1
00:02:03,030 --> 00:02:06,227
- How do you do, Mr. Van Cleve?
- Good afternoon, Your Excellency.

2
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:08,802
- Very kind of you to receive me.
- Not at all.

3
00:02:08,903 --> 00:02:10,803
- Oh, please. Sit down.
- Thank you.

4
00:02:10,905 --> 00:02:13,499
I hope you'll forgive me,
but we're so busy down here.

5
00:02:13,607 --> 00:02:16,872
Really, sometimes it looks as if
the whole world is coming to hell.

6
00:02:16,977 --> 00:02:22,677
Frankly, I haven't had an opportunity
to familiarize myself with your case.

7
00:02:22,783 --> 00:02:24,717
When did it happen, Mr. Van Cleve?

8
00:02:24,819 --> 00:02:28,619
Tuesday. To be exact,
I died at 9:36 in the evening.

9
00:02:28,723 --> 00:02:30,850
I trust you didn't suffer much.

10
00:02:30,958 --> 00:02:33,017
Oh, no, no.

11
00:02:33,127 --> 00:02:35,789
Not in the least.
I had finished my dinner�

12
00:02:35,896 --> 00:02:39,560
- A good one, I hope.
- Oh, excellent, excellent.

13
00:02:39,668 --> 00:02:43,035
I ate everything
the doctor forbade, and then...

14
00:02:43,138 --> 00:02:46,437
well, to make a long story short...

15
00:02:46,541 --> 00:02:50,102
shall we say,
I fell asleep without realizing it.

16
00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:54,581
And when I awakened, there were
all my relatives speaking in low tones...

17
00:02:54,683 --> 00:02:57,618
and saying nothing
but the kindest things about me.

18
00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,619
Then I knew I was dead.

19
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:02,246
I presume your funeral
was satisfactory.

20
00:03:02,357 --> 00:03:05,724
Well, there was a lot of crying, so...

21
00:03:05,827 --> 00:03:08,125
I believe everybody had a good time.

22
00:03:08,230 --> 00:03:12,530
It would have been an ideal funeral if
Mrs. Cooper-Cooper, a friend of the family...

23
00:03:12,634 --> 00:03:15,797
hadn't volunteered to sing
"The End of a Perfect Day."

24
00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:21,240
<i>You see, all my life I had succeeded in
avoiding Mrs. Cooper-Cooper's coloratura...</i>

25
00:03:21,343 --> 00:03:23,243
and this undoubtedly
was her revenge.

26
00:03:23,345 --> 00:03:28,248
Mr. Van Cleve, I can see
that you have a sensitive, cultivated ear.

27
00:03:28,350 --> 00:03:29,908
Oh, thank you.

28
00:03:30,018 --> 00:03:32,248
Then let me warn you.

29
00:03:32,354 --> 00:03:35,380
The music down here
is anything but pleasant.

30
00:03:36,525 --> 00:03:40,291
Beethoven, Bach, Mozart �

31
00:03:40,395 --> 00:03:42,626
you hear them only...

32
00:03:43,666 --> 00:03:46,157
above.

33
00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:48,396
Yes. I know.

34
00:03:49,439 --> 00:03:51,999
It won't be easy not to hear
the old masters again.

35
00:03:52,108 --> 00:03:55,976
And there are several people
up there I would love to see.

36
00:03:57,513 --> 00:04:00,175
Particularly one.

37
00:04:00,283 --> 00:04:02,251
A very dear one.

38
00:04:03,586 --> 00:04:06,384
- But I haven't a chance.
- Have you tried?

39
00:04:07,423 --> 00:04:09,983
No, Your Excellency.
I have no illusions.

40
00:04:10,092 --> 00:04:12,822
I know the life I lived.
I know where I belong.

41
00:04:12,929 --> 00:04:15,397
I would like to get it over
as quickly as possible.

42
00:04:15,498 --> 00:04:19,696
Very well. If you meet our requirements,
we'll be only too glad to accommodate you.

43
00:04:19,802 --> 00:04:21,895
Would you be good enough
to mention, for instance...

44
00:04:22,004 --> 00:04:24,199
some outstanding crime
you've committed?

45
00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:27,140
Crime? Crime?

46
00:04:27,243 --> 00:04:29,905
I'm afraid I can't think of any.

47
00:04:30,012 --> 00:04:33,379
But I can safely say my whole life
was one continuous misdemeanor.

48
00:04:33,483 --> 00:04:38,182
My dear Mr. Van Cleve, a passport to hell
is not issued on generalities.

49
00:04:38,287 --> 00:04:41,745
No. I'm afraid you'll have to wait
until I have time to study your record.

50
00:04:41,858 --> 00:04:44,088
Now look here.
I have to see His Excellency...

51
00:04:44,193 --> 00:04:45,922
<i>and no office boy's
going to stop me.</i>

52
00:04:51,168 --> 00:04:53,068
I beg your pardon, Your Excellency�

53
00:04:53,170 --> 00:04:55,070
- Just a moment.
- I'm Edna Craig.

54
00:04:55,172 --> 00:04:57,868
Oh, yes. I have your record here.
You'll be taken care of in just a moment.

55
00:04:57,975 --> 00:05:00,603
I don't want to seem rude,
but I don't think I belong here.

56
00:05:00,711 --> 00:05:02,679
- In just a moment �
- Please don't misunderstand me.

57
00:05:02,779 --> 00:05:04,679
I think it is a charming place.
Isn't it?

58
00:05:09,353 --> 00:05:11,753
Henry Van Cleve.

59
00:05:11,855 --> 00:05:14,016
You know Edna Craig?

60
00:05:14,124 --> 00:05:16,524
I'm sorry, madam.
I seem to be at a loss.

61
00:05:16,627 --> 00:05:20,290
Oh, Henry.
Think back� many, many years.

62
00:05:20,397 --> 00:05:23,594
The little brownstone house
around the corner from the old Waldorf?

63
00:05:23,700 --> 00:05:25,600
Oh.

64
00:05:25,702 --> 00:05:28,569
Marmaduke Harrison's party.

65
00:05:28,672 --> 00:05:30,640
We were all dressed as children.

66
00:05:30,741 --> 00:05:33,505
And you came as, uh,
Little Lord Fauntleroy.

67
00:05:33,610 --> 00:05:36,101
And they wheeled you in
in a baby carriage.

68
00:05:37,147 --> 00:05:39,615
Little Constantinople.

69
00:05:39,716 --> 00:05:41,115
Oh, Henry.

70
00:05:42,686 --> 00:05:46,747
No girl in New York walked
on two more beautiful legs than you.

71
00:05:46,857 --> 00:05:48,848
Little Constantinople.

72
00:05:48,959 --> 00:05:53,623
Well, Henry, I still walk�
and on the same two legs.

73
00:05:53,730 --> 00:05:57,223
- [Giggles]
- And I'm sure they're still as beautiful.

74
00:05:57,335 --> 00:06:00,793
Well, Henry, I'll let you
be the judge of that.

75
00:06:04,709 --> 00:06:06,609
<i>[Edna Giggling]</i>

76
00:06:08,246 --> 00:06:10,942
[Screams]

77
00:06:16,421 --> 00:06:18,719
Those things are better left to memory.

78
00:06:19,924 --> 00:06:23,553
But I must admit you're beginning
to interest me, Mr. Van Cleve.

79
00:06:23,661 --> 00:06:26,562
I think I can spare the time
to listen to your story.

80
00:06:26,664 --> 00:06:29,258
- Thank you, Your Excellency.
- Please sit down.

81
00:06:33,705 --> 00:06:36,833
Perhaps the best way to tell you
the story of my life...

82
00:06:36,941 --> 00:06:40,138
is to tell you about
the women in my life.

83
00:06:40,244 --> 00:06:43,042
Well, let's start with
the first woman.

84
00:06:43,147 --> 00:06:45,047
My mother.

85
00:06:45,149 --> 00:06:47,947
<i>[Henry Narrating]
A lovely lady, but prejudiced.</i>

86
00:06:48,052 --> 00:06:50,543
<i>She thought I was wonderful.</i>

87
00:06:50,655 --> 00:06:52,555
<i>She was the first woman I ever fooled.</i>

88
00:06:52,657 --> 00:06:55,592
<i>Then there was my grandmother.</i>

89
00:06:55,693 --> 00:06:57,854
<i>She was just as prejudiced
as my mother.</i>

90
00:06:57,962 --> 00:07:00,397
How is the little darling?
Let me hold him.

91
00:07:00,499 --> 00:07:02,626
No. Please, Mother Van Cleve.
Let the baby rest.

92
00:07:02,735 --> 00:07:05,898
- You're just jealous, Bertha.
- I can't stand this any longer.

93
00:07:06,005 --> 00:07:08,565
- I'm going to speak to Randolph about this.
- Yes, Randolph.

94
00:07:08,674 --> 00:07:13,043
First you take my son away,
and now you want to alienate my grandchild.

95
00:07:13,145 --> 00:07:18,048
<i>[Henry Narrating] My diapers needed changing,
and already women were fighting for me.</i>

96
00:07:18,150 --> 00:07:21,642
<i>What a way to start a man
on the road oflife.</i>

97
00:07:21,754 --> 00:07:25,520
<i>I was not even two,
and I already got involved in a triangle.</i>

98
00:07:25,624 --> 00:07:30,254
<i>At home, in the presence of my family,
I was the only man in my nurse's life.</i>

99
00:07:30,362 --> 00:07:33,331
<i>I was her honeybunch,
her "oogi-woogi-woo."</i>

100
00:07:33,432 --> 00:07:35,332
<i>But the minute we got to the park�</i>

101
00:07:35,434 --> 00:07:37,334
Hello, Bedelia.

102
00:07:37,436 --> 00:07:39,495
Well, if it isn't Patrick himself.

103
00:07:39,605 --> 00:07:41,505
- [Giggling]
- [Bawling]

104
00:07:41,607 --> 00:07:43,768
Ah, shut up, you nasty little brat.

105
00:07:51,350 --> 00:07:53,511
<i>[Henry Narrating]
No wonder I became a cynic.</i>

106
00:07:53,619 --> 00:07:55,678
<i>My next lesson
came from little Mary.</i>

107
00:07:56,889 --> 00:07:59,414
- Hello, Mary.
- Don't speak to me, Henry Van Cleve.

108
00:07:59,525 --> 00:08:02,619
You're a bad boy, and my mother says
I shouldn't talk to bad boys.

109
00:08:02,728 --> 00:08:05,026
I bet you don't know
what I've got in this box.

110
00:08:05,130 --> 00:08:07,031
And I'm not interested,
Henry Van Cleve.

111
00:08:07,133 --> 00:08:09,192
Then I won't tell you it's a beetle.

112
00:08:09,302 --> 00:08:11,566
A beetle?

113
00:08:11,671 --> 00:08:14,401
- Do you like it?
- Oh, who doesn't like beetles?

114
00:08:14,507 --> 00:08:16,907
- It's yours.
- Thank you.

115
00:08:17,010 --> 00:08:18,910
Oh, thank you, Henry.

116
00:08:19,012 --> 00:08:21,640
- I wonder if I should take it.
- If you don't want it �

117
00:08:21,748 --> 00:08:24,808
Oh, I didn't mean it that way.
I was just wondering.

118
00:08:24,918 --> 00:08:27,079
Don't worry.
I've got another one.

119
00:08:27,187 --> 00:08:29,883
- Another beetle?
- Uh-huh.

120
00:08:29,989 --> 00:08:33,356
Oh, it's beautiful.
It looks rather lonely though.

121
00:08:33,460 --> 00:08:36,657
You know what I think?
I think it wants to be together with mine.

122
00:08:36,763 --> 00:08:38,731
You mean you want this one too?

123
00:08:38,832 --> 00:08:42,928
Henry Van Cleve! Do you think I'm the kind of girl
that would take a boy's last beetle?

124
00:08:43,036 --> 00:08:45,834
Aw, that's all right.
You can have it.

125
00:08:45,939 --> 00:08:50,876
Thank you, Henry. Now, if you want to,
you can walk with me to the corner.

126
00:08:50,977 --> 00:08:54,344
<i>[Henry Narrating] From that moment on,
one thing was clear to me.</i>

127
00:08:54,447 --> 00:08:58,008
<i>If you want to win a girl,
you have to have lots ofbeetles.</i>

128
00:09:03,223 --> 00:09:06,215
<i>I was growing rapidly,
and so was New York.</i>

129
00:09:06,326 --> 00:09:09,318
<i>Yes. New York was becoming
cosmopolitan...</i>

130
00:09:09,429 --> 00:09:13,696
<i>and no household was considered fashionable
without a French maid.</i>

131
00:09:13,801 --> 00:09:17,293
<i>So, one day a Fifth Avenue coach
stopped in front of our house...</i>

132
00:09:17,404 --> 00:09:21,272
<i>and out of the coach
and into my life came Mademoiselle.</i>

133
00:09:29,483 --> 00:09:31,474
Mrs. Van Cleve will be here shortly.

134
00:09:31,585 --> 00:09:33,553
<i>Merci.</i>

135
00:09:40,895 --> 00:09:43,159
That's Mr. Van Cleve.

136
00:09:43,264 --> 00:09:46,256
<i>Oh, Monsieur.
Charmant, charmant.</i>

137
00:09:46,367 --> 00:09:49,632
This is Mr. Van Cleve's father.
He lives here too.

138
00:09:49,737 --> 00:09:53,503
Grandpapa.
Sweet. Very sweet.

139
00:09:53,607 --> 00:09:56,576
And who is this darling little boy?

140
00:09:56,677 --> 00:10:00,272
That's the young master.
He's not so darling.

141
00:10:00,381 --> 00:10:02,645
- Bad boy?
- Not good.

142
00:10:02,750 --> 00:10:04,809
<i>- Good morning.
- Bonjour, madame.</i>

143
00:10:04,919 --> 00:10:07,114
How do you do, mademoiselle?

144
00:10:07,221 --> 00:10:09,155
- Your name is, uh �
- Yvette Blanchard.

145
00:10:09,256 --> 00:10:11,156
<i>- Yvette Blanchard.
- Oui.</i>

146
00:10:11,258 --> 00:10:14,284
The agency tells me
that you've just arrived from France.

147
00:10:14,395 --> 00:10:16,522
<i>- Oui.
- And are seeking employment in this country.</i>

148
00:10:16,630 --> 00:10:19,429
<i>- Oui, madame.
- Uh, you have references?</i>

149
00:10:19,534 --> 00:10:21,434
<i>- Oui, madame.
- May I see them, please?</i>

150
00:10:21,536 --> 00:10:23,436
<i>Naturellement.</i>

151
00:10:23,538 --> 00:10:26,200
<i>- Voil�.
- Thank you.</i>

152
00:10:28,243 --> 00:10:30,837
Oh. [Chuckles]
Uh, they're in French.

153
00:10:30,946 --> 00:10:34,973
<i>Oui, madame. But believe me �
toutes les r�f�rences� excellentes.</i>

154
00:10:35,083 --> 00:10:37,779
Here, my last employer�
Baroness Lalotte...

155
00:10:37,886 --> 00:10:40,855
<i>wishes me to be
such grand success in America...</i>

156
00:10:40,956 --> 00:10:43,720
that I shall never have desire
to return to France.

157
00:10:43,825 --> 00:10:48,762
Ah. The French have such a...
continental way of expressing their gratitude.

158
00:10:48,864 --> 00:10:52,527
<i>Um, and here a r�f�rence
from the duc de Polignac.</i>

159
00:10:52,634 --> 00:10:56,035
He considers the two years
I spent in his house...

160
00:10:56,137 --> 00:10:58,469
the two most happy years of his life.

161
00:10:58,573 --> 00:11:01,667
Oh, it sounds just like a duke.

162
00:11:01,776 --> 00:11:04,040
Um, what about your wages?

163
00:11:04,145 --> 00:11:08,707
<i>Uh, maybe in beginning $20 a month
would give satisfaction?</i>

164
00:11:08,817 --> 00:11:10,785
Twenty dollars a month!

165
00:11:10,886 --> 00:11:16,256
You see, I've never gone higher
than $14 a month for a personal maid.

166
00:11:16,358 --> 00:11:20,260
If I could only justify the difference.
Let me see.

167
00:11:20,362 --> 00:11:23,661
- Oh, Mother?
- Come here, dear.

168
00:11:25,968 --> 00:11:29,131
<i>- Mademoiselle, this is my little boy.
- Bonjour, mon petit.</i>

169
00:11:29,238 --> 00:11:31,172
- Hello.
- He studies French.

170
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:35,233
Oh, mademoiselle, you must ask him
something in French. But not too difficult.

171
00:11:35,344 --> 00:11:38,711
<i>Oui. Avez-vous bien travaill�
aujourd'hui, mon ch�ri?</i>

172
00:11:38,814 --> 00:11:40,873
Huh?

173
00:11:40,983 --> 00:11:42,883
That's what I was afraid of.

174
00:11:42,985 --> 00:11:46,648
Now be a nice boy and go. I have an idea
that I want to discuss with Mademoiselle.

175
00:11:51,093 --> 00:11:56,053
[Laughs] A brilliant child,
but a little backward in his French.

176
00:11:56,165 --> 00:11:58,429
- And it just occurred to me that �
- Oh, madame.

177
00:11:58,534 --> 00:12:01,731
It will be pleasure talk only French
to little fellow.

178
00:12:01,837 --> 00:12:04,863
<i>My whole vocabulaire
I make present to your baby.</i>

179
00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:09,001
With me in house, in one month I assure
Madame will not recognize own son.

180
00:12:09,111 --> 00:12:11,511
And only for $20.

181
00:12:11,614 --> 00:12:14,742
Of course, that's six dollars more
than I ever paid before.

182
00:12:14,850 --> 00:12:17,444
<i>- But let's try it.
- Merci, madame.</i>

183
00:12:17,553 --> 00:12:19,646
<i>- Au revoir, madame.
- Good-bye, mademoiselle.</i>

184
00:12:19,755 --> 00:12:21,382
<i>[Door Opens]</i>

185
00:12:24,727 --> 00:12:26,922
<i>Psst.! Hey.</i>

186
00:12:32,402 --> 00:12:34,734
<i>Oui?</i>

187
00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:36,999
You're not gonna work here.
I'll see to that.

188
00:12:37,107 --> 00:12:40,474
What is the matter?
Did I make little boy angry?

189
00:12:40,577 --> 00:12:43,774
Now see here. That's the last time
anybody's gonna call me "little boy."

190
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:46,781
<i>Oh, so sorry if I hurt feelings,
but maman�</i>

191
00:12:46,883 --> 00:12:48,783
Yes. Mama.
That's the trouble.

192
00:12:48,885 --> 00:12:51,547
Mama and Papa.
And Grandpapa and Grandmama.

193
00:12:51,655 --> 00:12:53,782
It's a conspiracy
to keep me in short pants.

194
00:12:53,890 --> 00:12:55,881
They think they own me,
body and soul.

195
00:12:55,993 --> 00:12:59,929
<i>Ah, je comprends. My understanding
for young man is perfect.</i>

196
00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:02,521
Your soul is bigger than your pants.

197
00:13:02,632 --> 00:13:05,999
Oh, you need very warm friend
with sympathy.

198
00:13:06,103 --> 00:13:08,401
<i>Moi. I will be. Oui?</i>

199
00:13:13,176 --> 00:13:16,612
I bet you couldn't guess in a million years
what I have in my pocket.

200
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:20,615
<i>No, I do not know, but I am sure it is
something very bad, oui?</i>

201
00:13:23,487 --> 00:13:26,854
- Here.
- Oh, you smoke big black cigar?

202
00:13:26,957 --> 00:13:28,948
Sure, I'm gonna smoke it �
any day now.

203
00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:33,018
<i>Now we have
very bad secret together, oui?</i>

204
00:13:33,130 --> 00:13:35,291
That's nothing.

205
00:13:35,399 --> 00:13:38,631
I can tell you things that would rock
Fifth Avenue to its foundations.

206
00:13:38,736 --> 00:13:40,704
Oh?

207
00:13:48,813 --> 00:13:51,213
- I'm going to get married.
- You, married?

208
00:13:51,315 --> 00:13:53,647
Mmm.
I have to, darn it.

209
00:13:53,751 --> 00:13:56,015
Oh, this is much worse than cigar.

210
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,020
When did disaster take place?

211
00:13:58,122 --> 00:14:00,488
Oh, it all happened pretty suddenly.

212
00:14:00,591 --> 00:14:03,059
There's a girl around the corner.
Well, you know.

213
00:14:03,161 --> 00:14:05,925
But I do not know.
Tell me.

214
00:14:06,030 --> 00:14:08,760
Well, we were walking in the park,
and it started to rain.

215
00:14:08,866 --> 00:14:11,699
<i>- Oui?
- We climbed into a policeman's shed.</i>

216
00:14:11,803 --> 00:14:14,465
- And the policeman?
- He wasn't there.

217
00:14:14,572 --> 00:14:17,735
Well, anyhow,
before I knew it, I lost my head.

218
00:14:17,842 --> 00:14:19,776
I don't know what got into me.

219
00:14:19,877 --> 00:14:22,971
- I took her into my arms and then �
- And then?

220
00:14:23,081 --> 00:14:25,709
I kissed her.

221
00:14:25,817 --> 00:14:27,808
I may just as well
face the consequences.

222
00:14:29,087 --> 00:14:31,078
Excuse my asking question.

223
00:14:31,189 --> 00:14:34,056
This might sound very childish
to grown-up young man...

224
00:14:34,158 --> 00:14:37,355
but did you ever consider idea
not marrying girl?

225
00:14:37,462 --> 00:14:39,987
It's out of the question.
It would destroy me socially.

226
00:14:40,098 --> 00:14:43,398
I could never go to Harvard.
Why, when my father kissed my mother...

227
00:14:43,502 --> 00:14:46,437
she knew what he meant,
and he knew she knew it.

228
00:14:46,538 --> 00:14:48,870
<i>�coute, mon ch�ri.</i>

229
00:14:48,974 --> 00:14:52,705
In your papa's time,
papa kiss mama and then marry.

230
00:14:52,811 --> 00:14:54,745
But this is 1887.

231
00:14:54,847 --> 00:14:59,784
<i>Time of bicycle. The typewriter has arriv�.
Soon everybody speak over the telephone.</i>

232
00:14:59,885 --> 00:15:03,116
And people have
new idea of value of kiss.

233
00:15:03,222 --> 00:15:06,623
What was bad yesterday
is lot of fun today.

234
00:15:06,725 --> 00:15:09,057
There is a wonderful saying in France.

235
00:15:09,161 --> 00:15:11,425
<i>"Les baisers sont comme des bonbons...</i>

236
00:15:11,530 --> 00:15:14,431
<i>qu'on mange parce qu'ils sont bons. "</i>

237
00:15:14,533 --> 00:15:17,161
This mean kiss is like candy.

238
00:15:17,269 --> 00:15:20,067
You eat candy
only for the beautiful taste...

239
00:15:20,172 --> 00:15:22,902
and this is enough reason
to eat candy.

240
00:15:23,008 --> 00:15:25,738
Y-You mean I can kiss a girl once �

241
00:15:25,844 --> 00:15:29,371
<i>Ten times, 20 times.
And no obligation.</i>

242
00:15:29,481 --> 00:15:32,473
Listen, are you telling me the truth
or just trying to keep your job?

243
00:15:32,584 --> 00:15:35,883
I'll swear by the extra six dollar
I get from Madame.

244
00:15:35,988 --> 00:15:38,616
Gosh. This is a wonderful age
I'm living in.

245
00:15:38,724 --> 00:15:41,284
<i>Oui. So you do not
have to worry about little girl.</i>

246
00:15:41,393 --> 00:15:43,520
Oh, I've forgotten about her already.

247
00:15:43,629 --> 00:15:46,393
I guess I'm pretty blas�.

248
00:15:46,498 --> 00:15:48,626
- Listen, Frenchy.
- What is it, my friend?

249
00:15:48,735 --> 00:15:51,067
If that's the way things are in 1887...

250
00:15:51,171 --> 00:15:53,071
what do you think's gonna
happen in 1888?

251
00:15:53,173 --> 00:15:57,269
Aha. We make that the subject
of our first French lesson.

252
00:15:57,377 --> 00:15:59,345
<i>Au revoir, monsieur.</i>

253
00:16:15,028 --> 00:16:17,258
- Mother.
- Yes, my baby.

254
00:16:17,363 --> 00:16:19,831
That girl is worth the extra six dollars.

255
00:16:24,804 --> 00:16:28,433
<i>[Henry Narrating] The pride
of all the Van Cleves was my cousin Albert.</i>

256
00:16:28,541 --> 00:16:31,374
<i>He was the fulfillment of a parent's dream.</i>

257
00:16:31,477 --> 00:16:36,414
<i>Always the highest in his class.
Never had he thrown a stone into a window.</i>

258
00:16:36,516 --> 00:16:39,280
<i>Nor did he ever put a mouse
in his teacher's bustle.</i>

259
00:16:39,385 --> 00:16:41,512
<i>His ears were always clean.</i>

260
00:16:41,621 --> 00:16:45,284
<i>This, I think, will give you
a rough idea of Albert.</i>

261
00:16:45,391 --> 00:16:48,383
<i>And I'll never forget
the morning of my 15th birthday.</i>

262
00:16:48,494 --> 00:16:50,928
<i>The presents were waiting for me
in the living room.</i>

263
00:16:51,030 --> 00:16:54,592
<i>But suddenly Father came running
down the stairs, excited and breathless.</i>

264
00:16:54,702 --> 00:16:56,602
Flogdell! Flogdell!

265
00:16:56,704 --> 00:16:59,195
Yes, Mr. Van Cleve.

266
00:16:59,306 --> 00:17:01,638
Tell Robinson to go immediately
and get Dr. Macintosh.

267
00:17:01,742 --> 00:17:04,233
<i>- Tell him our little Henry is ill.
- Yes, sir.</i>

268
00:17:04,345 --> 00:17:06,836
Oh, my poor baby.

269
00:17:06,947 --> 00:17:10,974
The boy's acting so strangely, Randolph.
Randolph.

270
00:17:11,085 --> 00:17:13,815
Now, Bertha, Bertha.
We must keep a stiff upper lip.

271
00:17:13,921 --> 00:17:17,823
Randolph, he's talking all the time
as if he were in a delirium.

272
00:17:17,925 --> 00:17:21,383
- What does the boy seem to be saying?
- Well, if I only knew, Randolph.

273
00:17:21,495 --> 00:17:23,963
- He's talking French. Nothing but French.
- French?

274
00:17:24,064 --> 00:17:28,160
Oh, Randolph.
Our boy, delirious in a foreign language.

275
00:17:28,269 --> 00:17:30,794
- [Sobbing]
- Now, Bertha, Bertha. This is an emergency.

276
00:17:30,904 --> 00:17:34,533
We must do everything step-by-step.
The next move is to find out what the boy is saying.

277
00:17:34,642 --> 00:17:36,542
Uh � Uh, Flogdell.

278
00:17:36,644 --> 00:17:39,340
<i>- Yes, sir.
- Tell Mademoiselle to come to
Master Henry's room immediately.</i>

279
00:17:39,446 --> 00:17:41,346
Very good, sir.

280
00:17:52,426 --> 00:17:56,487
If only Grandpa would let me rub
just a bit of garlic on his little chest.

281
00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:59,498
Stay away from that boy with your garlic.
The boy's sick enough.

282
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,796
[Hiccups]

283
00:18:01,903 --> 00:18:04,394
Randolph, did you hear that?
Did you hear that, Grandpa?

284
00:18:04,506 --> 00:18:06,167
I'm not deaf.

285
00:18:06,274 --> 00:18:08,538
The child's poisoned.
That's what it is.

286
00:18:08,643 --> 00:18:11,111
Oh, Randolph. What shall we do?
Oh, what shall we do?

287
00:18:11,212 --> 00:18:14,409
Now, now. There's only one thing
to do, Bertha � keep a stiff upper lip.

288
00:18:14,516 --> 00:18:16,507
But that won't help
that poor poisoned boy.

289
00:18:16,618 --> 00:18:19,178
If I had my way,
I know what I'd do.

290
00:18:19,287 --> 00:18:23,724
A big glass of cold water right in that boy's face,
and I think he'd start talking English.

291
00:18:23,825 --> 00:18:26,191
- Hugo, you barbarian.
- Oh, no! Please, please!

292
00:18:26,294 --> 00:18:28,057
<i>- You'll give him pneumonia.
- You mustn't do that.</i>

293
00:18:28,163 --> 00:18:30,063
- Please, you mustn't �
- He might �

294
00:18:30,165 --> 00:18:32,360
<i>- [Together] Oh, Mademoiselle.
- Did Madame send for me?</i>

295
00:18:32,467 --> 00:18:34,401
Yes, Mademoiselle.
Our little Henry.

296
00:18:34,502 --> 00:18:36,902
- He's sick?
- Yes, Mademoiselle.

297
00:18:37,005 --> 00:18:39,940
Oh. Excuse, Madame.
I'll be right back.

298
00:18:45,413 --> 00:18:47,404
[Hiccups]

299
00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:53,521
<i>- Oui, Madame?
- Mademoiselle, he's asking for
something in French.</i>

300
00:18:53,621 --> 00:18:56,488
<i>- You must help us find out what he wants.
- Oui, Madame.</i>

301
00:18:59,561 --> 00:19:02,826
- Look. He's smiling.
- He's far, far away.

302
00:19:02,931 --> 00:19:06,128
- Why, he seems to be in another world.
- He's looking at Mademoiselle.

303
00:19:06,234 --> 00:19:09,602
- I wonder what he sees.
- Yes. I wonder.

304
00:19:09,705 --> 00:19:13,903
<i>Oh, je suis si malade.</i>

305
00:19:14,009 --> 00:19:17,536
<i>Mon estomac me fait si mal.</i>

306
00:19:17,646 --> 00:19:20,672
- Is he clear?
- Does it make any sense?

307
00:19:20,783 --> 00:19:23,217
Oh, his French is absolutely perfect.

308
00:19:23,319 --> 00:19:25,219
Such beautiful grammar.

309
00:19:25,321 --> 00:19:28,984
Mademoiselle, at the moment we're not concerned
with the young man's linguistic accomplishments.

310
00:19:29,091 --> 00:19:33,027
- Don't be harsh.
- I'm sorry if I seem to have lost my temper,
but the occasion is a trying one.

311
00:19:33,129 --> 00:19:36,997
- If you could tell us what the child is saying,
it might help us to meet the situation.
- [Hiccups]

312
00:19:39,368 --> 00:19:41,768
[Hiccups]

313
00:19:41,871 --> 00:19:43,930
Must be contagious disease.

314
00:19:45,608 --> 00:19:48,236
Son, step out with me a moment.

315
00:19:48,344 --> 00:19:50,278
- Good morning!
- Morning, Albert.

316
00:19:50,379 --> 00:19:52,279
<i>- [Bertha] Shh.! Hush.
- What's going on?</i>

317
00:19:54,984 --> 00:19:58,215
Now, Son, you still don't know
what's the matter with that boy?

318
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:00,447
Father, I wouldn't presume
to make a diagnosis.

319
00:20:00,556 --> 00:20:03,548
- After all, I'm not a man of medicine.
- Randolph, how old are you?

320
00:20:03,659 --> 00:20:05,991
What an odd question, Father.
I'm 43.

321
00:20:06,095 --> 00:20:09,656
Well, I think you are definitely old enough
to be told the facts of life.

322
00:20:09,765 --> 00:20:14,100
- What are you driving at, Father?
- Now, Son, don't look at me
with those big wandering eyes.

323
00:20:14,204 --> 00:20:17,264
It breaks my heart, but I'll have to shatter
your childhood illusions.

324
00:20:17,374 --> 00:20:20,104
Randolph, my son,
there is no Santy Claus.

325
00:20:20,210 --> 00:20:22,144
And that child of your�

326
00:20:22,245 --> 00:20:24,873
Listen, don't you really know
what's the matter with him?

327
00:20:24,981 --> 00:20:27,074
- You get out of here!
- Bertha, what is it?

328
00:20:27,184 --> 00:20:29,550
- Randolph, call the police at once.
- Yes. Call the police.

329
00:20:29,653 --> 00:20:31,587
Quiet! Quiet!
We don't need the police.

330
00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:35,249
Bertha, Mother. I wish someone would take
the time to explain to me what this is all about.

331
00:20:35,358 --> 00:20:37,826
<i>Believe me, Monsieur,
the excitement is greatly exag�r�.</i>

332
00:20:37,928 --> 00:20:39,828
- How dare you speak.
- Have you no shame?

333
00:20:39,930 --> 00:20:42,956
- Oh, please, Grandpapa.
- Don't you call him Grandpapa!

334
00:20:43,066 --> 00:20:45,591
- Don't you dare call him Grandpapa!
- Girls, girls � Shut up!

335
00:20:45,702 --> 00:20:47,693
Go ahead.
Call me Grandpapa.

336
00:20:47,804 --> 00:20:50,671
<i>Merci, Monsieur. Merci beaucoup, Monsieur.
You are very kind.</i>

337
00:20:50,774 --> 00:20:53,743
Yes, I'm very kind, but you'd better go
and pack your things now.

338
00:20:53,844 --> 00:20:57,940
And if you're not out of the house
in a very little while, I'll come down
to your room and help you pack.

339
00:20:58,048 --> 00:20:59,948
I wish you would, Grandpapa.

340
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:02,348
- Oh, shameless, shameless!
- Leave this house! Go!

341
00:21:02,452 --> 00:21:07,754
There is old French saying: If you are
thrown out of house, you better resign.

342
00:21:07,858 --> 00:21:10,759
<i>Au revoir.
[Hiccups]</i>

343
00:21:10,861 --> 00:21:14,922
I still would appreciate it if someone would tell me
what all this has to do with our little Henry.

344
00:21:15,031 --> 00:21:18,262
Fortunately, Uncle Randolph,
French always being one of my favorite subjects...

345
00:21:18,368 --> 00:21:22,135
I was able to understand the incredible
conversation between Henry and Mademoiselle.

346
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,765
- I, uh, don't know how to begin.
- All right, all right.

347
00:21:24,876 --> 00:21:26,844
Henry had a glass of wine.
We all know that.

348
00:21:26,944 --> 00:21:28,844
Henry? Intoxicated?

349
00:21:28,946 --> 00:21:32,006
From what I overheard,
at or about 10:00 last night...

350
00:21:32,116 --> 00:21:35,574
Henry and this � this foreign young woman
slipped out of the house.

351
00:21:35,686 --> 00:21:39,747
Before doing this, however, Henry wrongfully
took possession of his father's dress clothes...

352
00:21:39,857 --> 00:21:43,691
including $20 which Uncle Randolph was
negligent enough to leave in his pocket.

353
00:21:43,794 --> 00:21:45,694
Imagine. They went to Delmonico's.

354
00:21:45,796 --> 00:21:48,390
- Did they have a good time?
- They drank champagne.

355
00:21:48,499 --> 00:21:50,467
Our little baby drank champagne.

356
00:21:50,568 --> 00:21:52,968
<i>- Well, thank you, Albert.
- But that's not all, Grandfather.</i>

357
00:21:53,070 --> 00:21:56,528
It seems, from what I could gather,
that Mrs. Asterbrook, of the Asterbrooks...

358
00:21:56,641 --> 00:21:58,541
who was sitting at an adjoining table...

359
00:21:58,643 --> 00:22:01,976
resented bitterly the idea of Henry
dropping a nickel into her d�colletage...

360
00:22:02,079 --> 00:22:06,607
and complaining to the management because
no chocolate bar dropped out of Mrs. Asterbrook.

361
00:22:06,717 --> 00:22:08,947
Mrs. Asterbrook?
How can I ever face her?

362
00:22:09,053 --> 00:22:10,953
What a disgrace!

363
00:22:11,055 --> 00:22:13,250
[Randolph]
I'm going to teach that boy a lesson.

364
00:22:13,357 --> 00:22:16,520
Yes, that's what he deserves �
throwing nickels around like that.

365
00:22:16,627 --> 00:22:20,495
Knowing the Asterbrooks, I can tell you
right now we'll never see that nickel again.

366
00:22:20,598 --> 00:22:23,897
I have reached my decision.
That boy is going to be spanked � and severely.

367
00:22:24,001 --> 00:22:26,368
Oh, Randolph, don't hurt him.
Please don't hurt him.

368
00:22:26,471 --> 00:22:29,497
- No, no, Randolph.
- Please, please. He's such a baby.

369
00:22:29,608 --> 00:22:33,908
- Well, I assume there will be
no further birthday celebration.
- I'm afraid not.

370
00:22:34,012 --> 00:22:37,413
I believe I can utilize this time very beneficially,
so I'll say good-bye.

371
00:22:37,516 --> 00:22:41,213
Good-bye, Albert.
You're a real credit to the family.

372
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:43,288
Thank you, Grandfather.

373
00:23:08,914 --> 00:23:12,213
<i>[Henry Narrating] It was a Sunday morning,
the day of my 26th birthday.</i>

374
00:23:15,153 --> 00:23:17,485
Oh, that boy.

375
00:23:17,589 --> 00:23:22,526
Well, at least poor Grandmother� may her soul
rest in peace �was spared seeing a day like this.

376
00:23:22,628 --> 00:23:25,961
Oh, Randolph. Randolph, where can he be?
Where can he be?

377
00:23:26,064 --> 00:23:28,555
Now, now, Bertha.
I'd like to give you some consolation...

378
00:23:28,667 --> 00:23:30,567
but all I can say is chins up.

379
00:23:30,669 --> 00:23:32,900
Oh, Randolph,
where does he get it from?

380
00:23:33,006 --> 00:23:35,839
I give up, Bertha.
I never gambled in all my life.

381
00:23:35,942 --> 00:23:38,410
I never got entangled
with any girl until I met you.

382
00:23:38,511 --> 00:23:41,537
- Randolph, you call it entangled?
- I mean you entangled my heart.

383
00:23:41,648 --> 00:23:43,980
Oh, of course, Randolph.
We entangled each other's heart.

384
00:23:44,083 --> 00:23:47,780
Believe me, Bertha, I never knew
what a musical comedy girl looked like.

385
00:23:47,887 --> 00:23:49,946
What can he possibly derive
from their company?

386
00:23:50,056 --> 00:23:51,990
To me, they were creatures
from another planet.

387
00:23:52,091 --> 00:23:54,924
Where does he get it from?
Nobody in our family was musical.

388
00:23:55,028 --> 00:23:58,327
To this day I wouldn't know
how to find the stage entrance to a theater.

389
00:23:58,431 --> 00:24:01,423
It's always around in the back
up an alleyway.

390
00:24:01,534 --> 00:24:04,992
There's a sign over the door:
"Stage Entrance." You can't miss it.

391
00:24:05,104 --> 00:24:07,004
But I'm not interested, Father.
I never was.

392
00:24:07,106 --> 00:24:09,700
Where does the boy get it from?
Where does he get it from?

393
00:24:09,809 --> 00:24:13,540
Father built up the Van Cleve
Importing Company from nothing.
When he stopped, I carried on.

394
00:24:13,646 --> 00:24:17,207
Dad, you must admit, from the day I left Harvard,
I earned every dollar I ever spent.

395
00:24:17,316 --> 00:24:19,807
Then why do you give him money
without making him work for it?

396
00:24:19,919 --> 00:24:23,377
I have to save the family name. What about you
handing him hundreds of dollars?

397
00:24:23,489 --> 00:24:26,356
- If I'd come to you for money,
would you have given it to me?
- No.

398
00:24:26,459 --> 00:24:28,393
But you give it to him.
Why? Why? Why?

399
00:24:28,494 --> 00:24:30,394
Because I like him.

400
00:24:30,496 --> 00:24:32,964
Does that mean, by any chance, Father,
that you don't like me?

401
00:24:33,066 --> 00:24:36,524
Son, I love you.
Now shut up and leave me alone.

402
00:24:36,636 --> 00:24:38,537
<i>[Door Opens]</i>

403
00:24:38,639 --> 00:24:40,607
Good morning.

404
00:24:42,943 --> 00:24:45,104
- Good morning, Aunt Bertha.
- Good morning, Albert.

405
00:24:45,212 --> 00:24:47,112
- Good morning, Grandfather.
- Morning, Albert.

406
00:24:47,214 --> 00:24:49,375
- Good morning, Uncle Randolph.
- Good morning, Albert.

407
00:24:49,483 --> 00:24:52,816
I just came in to bring a little
birthday remembrance for Henry.

408
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:54,820
Anything wrong?
Isn't he home?

409
00:24:54,922 --> 00:24:57,083
[Chuckles]
11:00 Sunday morning.

410
00:24:57,191 --> 00:24:59,659
If I know my cousin Henry,
he's probably still in church.

411
00:25:00,694 --> 00:25:02,594
I mean that humorously.

412
00:25:02,696 --> 00:25:06,223
Albert, I'm struggling successfully
against the gout...

413
00:25:06,333 --> 00:25:11,032
I'm waging a terrific battle with my liver,
and I'm holding my own against asthma...

414
00:25:11,138 --> 00:25:14,266
but I doubt if I have strength enough
to survive your jokes.

415
00:25:14,374 --> 00:25:16,865
You're a successful lawyer.
Let it go at that.

416
00:25:16,977 --> 00:25:18,945
I love you, Albert.

417
00:25:21,181 --> 00:25:23,911
Uh, it was sweet of you
to drop in, Albert.

418
00:25:24,017 --> 00:25:26,008
I hope he'll be here tonight
to thank you.

419
00:25:26,120 --> 00:25:28,918
I hope so too, otherwise I'd be
in the most embarrassing position...

420
00:25:29,022 --> 00:25:30,922
as far as my future
in-laws are concerned.

421
00:25:31,024 --> 00:25:33,857
We're so eager to meet your fianc�e.
How does she like New York?

422
00:25:33,961 --> 00:25:35,861
Yes. Is she enjoying herself?

423
00:25:35,963 --> 00:25:39,228
Well, she's only been here two days,
so naturally the impression is overwhelming.

424
00:25:39,333 --> 00:25:43,202
I took her to the aquarium. We rode up and down
the elevator in the Flatiron Building...

425
00:25:43,304 --> 00:25:45,272
and naturally,
we ended up in Grant's Tomb.

426
00:25:45,373 --> 00:25:47,307
Naturally.

427
00:25:47,408 --> 00:25:49,308
Uh, and her parents?

428
00:25:49,410 --> 00:25:52,436
Oh, yes. How does the big
Kansas City butcher like New York?

429
00:25:52,547 --> 00:25:55,243
- Now, Father, please.
- I assume that you're referring to...

430
00:25:55,350 --> 00:25:59,013
my future father-in-law, who happens to be
one of the great meat-packers of our time.

431
00:25:59,120 --> 00:26:02,954
Yes, Father Van Cleve. Don't you realize
that every piece of beef we eat...

432
00:26:03,057 --> 00:26:05,617
comes from one of
Mr. Strable's many, many plants?

433
00:26:05,727 --> 00:26:08,753
Does that include the steak
I fought 10 rounds with last night?

434
00:26:08,863 --> 00:26:12,026
Grandfather, you don't seem to have any idea
of the importance of Mr. Strable.

435
00:26:12,133 --> 00:26:15,694
He created the most famous character
in American advertising � Mabel, the cow.

436
00:26:15,804 --> 00:26:17,704
You've seen her, Father,
on billboards.

437
00:26:17,806 --> 00:26:20,240
That big, happy cow
smiling at you over the fence...

438
00:26:20,341 --> 00:26:22,809
and saying in big letters, um, uh �
How does it go?

439
00:26:22,911 --> 00:26:26,039
"To the world my name is Mabel,
which you'll find on every label.

440
00:26:26,147 --> 00:26:28,980
I am packed by E.F. Strable,
for the pleasure of your table."

441
00:26:29,083 --> 00:26:32,519
No cow in its right mind
could have said anything like that.

442
00:26:32,620 --> 00:26:35,987
- Sounds more like Mr. Strable.
- Grandfather, please, I beg of you.

443
00:26:36,090 --> 00:26:39,651
The family understands your humor,
but it's a typical kind of New York humor.

444
00:26:39,761 --> 00:26:42,491
<i>- In other words, it's not for yokels, huh?
- [Door Opens]</i>

445
00:26:42,597 --> 00:26:46,931
<i>I beg your pardon, sir. Mr. Henryjust came home.
He went directly upstairs.</i>

446
00:26:49,038 --> 00:26:51,006
<i>[Door Closes]</i>

447
00:27:05,521 --> 00:27:07,421
<i>[Door Closes]</i>

448
00:27:07,523 --> 00:27:10,651
Aunt Bertha, when you see Henry,
will you tell him that as a Van Cleve...

449
00:27:10,759 --> 00:27:14,126
I have the right to demand that
he keep the shadow of scandal off our name?

450
00:27:14,230 --> 00:27:17,165
You see, my future in-laws are,
so to speak, pioneer people, and �

451
00:27:17,266 --> 00:27:19,700
<i>[Hugo]
"Packed by E.F. Strable...</i>

452
00:27:19,802 --> 00:27:21,793
<i>for the pleasure of our table. "</i>

453
00:27:21,904 --> 00:27:23,804
<i>Holy smoke.!</i>

454
00:27:23,906 --> 00:27:27,069
- Good-bye, Aunt Bertha.
- Uh, good-bye, Albert.

455
00:27:30,312 --> 00:27:32,280
[Clears Throat]

456
00:27:33,315 --> 00:27:35,840
- Well, this time I was firm.
- Good, Randolph. What happened?

457
00:27:35,951 --> 00:27:39,148
He asked for a hundred dollars, but I told him.
I told him I'd let him have only 50.

458
00:27:39,255 --> 00:27:41,155
- Randolph �
- And not right away.

459
00:27:41,257 --> 00:27:44,556
For the first time in 27 years of marriage,
I feel like criticizing you.

460
00:27:44,660 --> 00:27:47,094
What do you want me to do?
Spank a 26-year-old boy?

461
00:27:47,196 --> 00:27:49,858
No, but at least I expected
a verbal lashing.

462
00:28:08,151 --> 00:28:11,746
- Are you all right, my boy?
- Yes, Mother.

463
00:28:11,855 --> 00:28:15,154
Many happy returns of the day. Ohh.

464
00:28:17,360 --> 00:28:19,988
Mother, I'm sorry
if I made you unhappy.

465
00:28:20,096 --> 00:28:23,361
Oh, Grandfather and Father and I
are worried to death about you.

466
00:28:23,466 --> 00:28:25,525
You don't give your family
a single thought.

467
00:28:25,635 --> 00:28:28,763
All you think about
is having what you call a good time.

468
00:28:28,872 --> 00:28:31,136
Mother, I went out last night
to raise Cain.

469
00:28:31,241 --> 00:28:33,801
- Son, you mustn't talk like that.
- Don't worry. I didn't.

470
00:28:33,910 --> 00:28:35,810
I couldn't.

471
00:28:35,912 --> 00:28:37,937
I couldn't get her out of my mind.

472
00:28:38,048 --> 00:28:40,812
Son, you worry me.
Are you well?

473
00:28:40,917 --> 00:28:42,908
Mother...

474
00:28:43,019 --> 00:28:46,284
when you saw Father for the first time,
did you feel that unmistakable something?

475
00:28:46,389 --> 00:28:49,256
Did you feel an electric spark
from your head right down to your toes...

476
00:28:49,359 --> 00:28:51,953
that swept over you like a hurricane
and threw you to the ground...

477
00:28:52,062 --> 00:28:54,053
but you bounced up again
and floated over the treetops?

478
00:28:54,164 --> 00:28:56,189
Spark? A hurricane?

479
00:28:56,299 --> 00:28:59,928
Heaven forbid.
I never had such a feeling.

480
00:29:00,036 --> 00:29:02,096
Henry, where do you get it from?

481
00:29:02,206 --> 00:29:05,733
Not from me. And certainly
your father never had any spark.

482
00:29:05,843 --> 00:29:08,141
Mother, all I'm trying to say is...

483
00:29:08,245 --> 00:29:10,213
I met a girl yesterday.

484
00:29:10,314 --> 00:29:12,942
Oh. I hope she comes from
a good family.

485
00:29:13,050 --> 00:29:16,281
I don't know.
And frankly, I don't care.

486
00:29:16,387 --> 00:29:18,787
Mother, when one sees a lovely rose �

487
00:29:18,889 --> 00:29:21,414
One can be certain
she comes from a fine rosebush.

488
00:29:21,525 --> 00:29:26,189
Mother, even if this girl's father turned out to be
something of a buttercup, I wouldn't care.

489
00:29:26,297 --> 00:29:29,323
What's her name?
Where does she live?

490
00:29:29,433 --> 00:29:31,424
I wish I knew.

491
00:29:31,535 --> 00:29:34,095
She isn't one of
those musical comedy girls?

492
00:29:34,205 --> 00:29:38,141
Oh, no, Mother.
It's an entirely different kind of music.

493
00:29:38,242 --> 00:29:41,473
It's not the hootchy-kootchy.
It's not the cancan.

494
00:29:41,579 --> 00:29:44,514
It's like a waltz by Strauss.

495
00:29:44,615 --> 00:29:46,674
Like a minuet by Mozart.

496
00:29:46,784 --> 00:29:48,945
Henry, where do you get it from?

497
00:29:50,488 --> 00:29:52,388
From you, Mother.

498
00:29:52,490 --> 00:29:54,390
Now, you must be just.

499
00:29:54,492 --> 00:29:57,325
When I was a little boy,
you wanted me to believe in fairy tales...

500
00:29:57,428 --> 00:29:59,362
and now that one
has really happened �

501
00:29:59,463 --> 00:30:01,363
You remember that story
about the young man �

502
00:30:01,465 --> 00:30:03,797
I think he was a shepherd
who was walking in the woods �

503
00:30:03,901 --> 00:30:05,835
Oh, you've been in the country.

504
00:30:05,936 --> 00:30:08,371
No, no, Mother.
It happened right on Broadway.

505
00:30:08,473 --> 00:30:10,634
Suddenly the young man
saw a big castle...

506
00:30:10,742 --> 00:30:13,370
and leaning out of the window
was the most beautiful princess.

507
00:30:13,478 --> 00:30:16,242
Nothing could stop him.
He climbed up the parapet of the castle �

508
00:30:16,348 --> 00:30:19,715
Henry. You haven't broken into
the Waldorf again?

509
00:30:19,818 --> 00:30:22,981
Mother, darling,
let's forget the fairy tale.

510
00:30:23,088 --> 00:30:24,988
Well, it's about time you grew up.

511
00:30:25,090 --> 00:30:27,354
I came here to scold you,
and I'm going to do it.

512
00:30:27,459 --> 00:30:29,359
Now, look at your cousin Albert.

513
00:30:29,461 --> 00:30:32,191
Not much older than you are
and already a corporation lawyer...

514
00:30:32,297 --> 00:30:34,925
engaged to a lovely girl
of a well-known family.

515
00:30:35,033 --> 00:30:39,800
Henry, now, this may sound severe, but you've
got to pull yourself together and settle down.

516
00:30:39,905 --> 00:30:44,342
Mother, I don't think I'll ever find this girl,
but if I did, then all your troubles would be over.

517
00:30:44,443 --> 00:30:47,105
If she didn't want me to gamble,
I wouldn't look at another card.

518
00:30:47,212 --> 00:30:51,114
I'd stay home every night.
Mother, I might even go to work.

519
00:30:51,216 --> 00:30:54,242
Henry, that's wonderful.

520
00:30:54,352 --> 00:30:56,252
I don't know about the girl...

521
00:30:56,354 --> 00:30:59,687
but the fact that you have the desire
to settle down makes me so happy.

522
00:30:59,791 --> 00:31:02,589
For the first time
you're beginning to sound like your father.

523
00:31:03,628 --> 00:31:06,825
Uh, Mother, I don't know where
this girl is, so don't expect too much.

524
00:31:06,932 --> 00:31:09,958
Oh, now listen to your mother.
Don't worry about that girl.

525
00:31:10,068 --> 00:31:12,002
Another girl will come along.

526
00:31:12,104 --> 00:31:15,131
- I'll look for one myself. How's that?
- Fine. Fine, Mother.

527
00:31:15,241 --> 00:31:17,971
And when I find a girl for you,
she'll be Miss Right.

528
00:31:18,077 --> 00:31:21,478
And do you know where we'll find her?
In the home of Mr. And Mrs. Right.

529
00:31:21,581 --> 00:31:25,073
Oh, Henry,
you're making me so happy.

530
00:31:25,184 --> 00:31:29,143
Mother, I was riding around for hours and hours
trying to forget this girl.

531
00:31:29,255 --> 00:31:31,155
Oh, child, don't worry.

532
00:31:31,257 --> 00:31:33,157
Well, it was very expensive.

533
00:31:33,259 --> 00:31:35,159
The cab is still waiting out in front...

534
00:31:35,261 --> 00:31:37,821
and the driver was so nice to me
that I promised him, if�

535
00:31:37,930 --> 00:31:41,957
I know. Your heart's always bigger
than your father's pocketbook.

536
00:31:43,002 --> 00:31:45,971
Look under your pillow.
I put something there last night.

537
00:31:52,078 --> 00:31:54,046
Oh, Mother.

538
00:31:55,548 --> 00:31:57,846
Sometimes I wonder
if you're not spoiling me.

539
00:31:57,950 --> 00:31:59,918
[Bertha Giggles]

540
00:32:02,188 --> 00:32:04,713
[Chattering]

541
00:32:04,824 --> 00:32:06,724
- Here, dear.
- Oh, thank you.

542
00:32:06,826 --> 00:32:09,693
Well, this is a great occasion.
You must be proud of your Albert.

543
00:32:09,795 --> 00:32:11,786
- Yes, I think we have a pretty good son.
- Oh.

544
00:32:11,898 --> 00:32:15,299
- I hear the Strable family�
- We couldn't ask anything better for our Albert.

545
00:32:15,401 --> 00:32:20,339
- Oh, wonderful.
- Mr. And Mrs. Strable and Miss Strable.

546
00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:22,408
<i>[Chattering Subsides]</i>

547
00:32:28,882 --> 00:32:33,012
Good evening, Grandfather, Aunt Bertha,
Uncle Randolph, dear, dear family.

548
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:36,681
It is my privilege and honor
to present Mr. And Mrs. E.F. Strable.

549
00:32:36,790 --> 00:32:39,520
And last but not least, well...

550
00:32:40,694 --> 00:32:43,390
here she is.

551
00:32:43,497 --> 00:32:45,658
[Crowd Murmuring]

552
00:32:50,537 --> 00:32:53,199
<i>- How do you do, madam?
- How do you do?</i>

553
00:32:53,307 --> 00:32:57,107
I can't tell you how much I've been looking forward
to the pleasure of meeting you.

554
00:32:57,211 --> 00:33:00,237
All my life I've wanted to see
the wide-open spaces.

555
00:33:00,347 --> 00:33:04,044
Well, if Muhammad can't go to the mountain,
the mountain must come to Muhammad.

556
00:33:04,151 --> 00:33:06,085
You're welcome, Mrs. Strable.

557
00:33:06,186 --> 00:33:09,121
- Yes, we're pretty proud of Kansas.
- Naturally.

558
00:33:09,223 --> 00:33:11,657
And you, Mr. Strable,
welcome to our family.

559
00:33:11,758 --> 00:33:14,625
Mr. Van Cleve, we people
from the West don't talk much...

560
00:33:14,728 --> 00:33:16,628
but when we say something,
we mean it.

561
00:33:16,730 --> 00:33:19,255
- Thank you.
- Thank you for giving me the chance...

562
00:33:19,366 --> 00:33:21,334
to meet the man who feeds the nation.

563
00:33:21,435 --> 00:33:24,268
I hope this will be the beginning
of a lifelong friendship.

564
00:33:24,371 --> 00:33:28,775
May you lie as solidly anchored
in our hearts as you do in our stomachs.

565
00:33:28,876 --> 00:33:32,175
And, uh, Grandfather,
this is Martha.

566
00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:34,646
So, this is Martha, huh?

567
00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:41,918
Well, Martha.

568
00:33:42,023 --> 00:33:44,821
- Yes, Mr. Van Cleve?
- Grandpa.

569
00:33:44,926 --> 00:33:47,986
- Yes, Grandpa.
- If I were about 50 years younger...

570
00:33:48,096 --> 00:33:50,030
I'd take you right away from that s �

571
00:33:50,131 --> 00:33:52,395
splendid young man
you're going to marry...

572
00:33:52,500 --> 00:33:55,128
and who is going to make you
a wonderful husband.

573
00:33:55,236 --> 00:33:57,204
Kiss your grandpa.

574
00:33:57,305 --> 00:33:59,273
[Chattering]

575
00:34:10,385 --> 00:34:13,650
- Well, I see the mob has assembled.
- Yes, sir.

576
00:34:13,755 --> 00:34:16,781
- Flogdell, is that �
- That's Mr. Strable.

577
00:34:16,891 --> 00:34:19,655
And that spreading chestnut tree
under which Grandfather is standing?

578
00:34:19,761 --> 00:34:21,661
That's Mrs. Strable.

579
00:34:21,763 --> 00:34:23,663
And, uh, where's the lucky girl?

580
00:34:23,765 --> 00:34:26,461
Standing beside your Aunt Minetta
with her back to us.

581
00:34:26,567 --> 00:34:28,535
She's just turning round.

582
00:34:32,941 --> 00:34:36,536
Charming young lady,
if I may say so.

583
00:34:36,645 --> 00:34:38,909
Flogdell, I don't think
I can stand this party.

584
00:34:39,014 --> 00:34:40,914
- Get my hat and coat.
- But, sir.

585
00:34:41,016 --> 00:34:42,984
My hat and coat.

586
00:34:44,153 --> 00:34:46,781
<i>- Henry! There you are. Many happy returns.
- Thank you.</i>

587
00:34:46,889 --> 00:34:49,483
And now it's about time for you
to come and meet the Strables.

588
00:34:49,591 --> 00:34:51,491
- Where are you going?
- Out.

589
00:34:51,593 --> 00:34:53,959
I beg you to stay and behave
like a Van Cleve just once.

590
00:34:54,063 --> 00:34:58,124
The Strables know it's your birthday, and they
want to congratulate you. Oh, Martha. Martha.

591
00:34:58,233 --> 00:35:00,758
- Yes, Albert?
- Dearest, I want you to meet Henry Van Cleve.

592
00:35:00,869 --> 00:35:03,235
This is the cousin whose birthday
we're celebrating today.

593
00:35:07,576 --> 00:35:10,170
Many happy returns, Mr. Van Cleve.

594
00:35:10,279 --> 00:35:12,907
- Cousin Henry.
- Cousin Henry.

595
00:35:13,015 --> 00:35:15,711
- Thank you, Cousin Martha.
- Well, here she is, Henry.

596
00:35:15,818 --> 00:35:19,811
Now I've done my duty bringing some
new blood into the family. It'll be your turn next.

597
00:35:19,922 --> 00:35:21,856
- That's most unlikely.
- Oh, nonsense.

598
00:35:21,957 --> 00:35:23,925
All you need to do
is to meet the right girl.

599
00:35:24,026 --> 00:35:26,790
That's difficult, Albert.
I'm afraid I'll never have your luck.

600
00:35:26,895 --> 00:35:28,954
Yes. No question about it. I'm lucky.

601
00:35:29,064 --> 00:35:32,727
Well, shall we go in?
Father Strable. Father Strable.

602
00:35:32,835 --> 00:35:34,735
Don't be afraid.

603
00:35:34,837 --> 00:35:37,432
I should have told him.
It would have been the thing to do.

604
00:35:37,540 --> 00:35:39,531
It shall remain our secret.
I promise.

605
00:35:39,642 --> 00:35:41,542
Thank you.

606
00:35:41,644 --> 00:35:43,544
<i>[Henry Narrating]
Yes, we had a secret.</i>

607
00:35:43,646 --> 00:35:45,614
<i>The most innocent secret I ever had.</i>

608
00:35:45,715 --> 00:35:49,242
<i>It happened Saturday morning
in Wannamaker's Department Store.</i>

609
00:35:56,926 --> 00:36:00,487
<i>[Martha]
Hello, Mother? I'm at the hairdresser's.</i>

610
00:36:00,597 --> 00:36:03,031
<i>They're still doing my hair.</i>

611
00:36:03,133 --> 00:36:05,624
Yes. Oh, yes.

612
00:36:05,735 --> 00:36:08,431
Just a moment,
and I'll ask them how long it'll be.

613
00:36:10,507 --> 00:36:13,135
<i>[Henry Narrating]
Here was a girl lying to her mother.</i>

614
00:36:13,243 --> 00:36:15,768
<i>Naturally, that girl interested me at once.</i>

615
00:36:15,879 --> 00:36:18,439
They say it'll take
about 15 more minutes.

616
00:36:18,548 --> 00:36:20,675
I'll be home at the most
in half an hour.

617
00:36:20,784 --> 00:36:23,184
Don't worry, Mother.
Good-bye.

618
00:36:27,190 --> 00:36:29,750
<i>[Henry Narrating]
Why was this angel lying to her mother?</i>

619
00:36:29,859 --> 00:36:32,589
<i>I had to find out,
so I followed her.</i>

620
00:36:32,695 --> 00:36:36,961
<i>But even if she hadn't lied to her mother,
I would have followed her anyway.</i>

621
00:36:53,217 --> 00:36:56,448
- May I help you, miss?
- Thank you.

622
00:36:56,554 --> 00:36:59,648
I would like to see a �
Are there no women clerks?

623
00:36:59,757 --> 00:37:03,193
Unfortunately not.
But it might make you feel a little easier...

624
00:37:03,294 --> 00:37:06,730
if I tell you that I'm the one usually chosen
by the management to handle...

625
00:37:06,831 --> 00:37:08,731
the more delicate situations.

626
00:37:08,833 --> 00:37:12,132
As a matter of fact, they call me
"the bookworms' little mother."

627
00:37:12,236 --> 00:37:14,602
Well, it's, uh �

628
00:37:14,705 --> 00:37:17,196
- Maybe I better come back some other time.
- Please, miss.

629
00:37:17,308 --> 00:37:21,836
My employer is watching, and if he sees me
losing a customer, it might cost me my job.

630
00:37:21,946 --> 00:37:25,905
Oh, I'm so sorry. Naturally, I wouldn't
like to deprive you of your livelihood.

631
00:37:26,016 --> 00:37:29,315
Oh, thank you. Thank you.

632
00:37:29,420 --> 00:37:31,354
Thank you again and again.

633
00:37:31,455 --> 00:37:35,983
- Well, the title of the book is, uh �
- Yes?

634
00:37:36,093 --> 00:37:38,323
I saw it in the corner
of the second window...

635
00:37:38,429 --> 00:37:41,364
<i>between To Have and to Hold
and When Knighthood Was in Flower.</i>

636
00:37:41,465 --> 00:37:43,933
Hmm.

637
00:37:57,782 --> 00:37:59,807
There you are.

638
00:38:01,887 --> 00:38:05,789
I probably should apologize.
I imagine I should have called you madam.

639
00:38:05,891 --> 00:38:07,791
No, it's still miss.

640
00:38:07,893 --> 00:38:10,054
- But not for long, I presume.
- That's quite right.

641
00:38:10,161 --> 00:38:12,061
- How much is the book?
- Oh.

642
00:38:12,163 --> 00:38:16,497
We'll be only too glad to charge it if you would be
kind enough to give me your name and address.

643
00:38:16,601 --> 00:38:18,535
Thank you, but I'd rather pay.
How much?

644
00:38:18,637 --> 00:38:21,970
- Uh, it's very expensive.
- Oh, that's all right.

645
00:38:22,073 --> 00:38:24,598
Now, this is against the interests
of Mr. Brentano...

646
00:38:24,709 --> 00:38:27,143
but since I am, so to speak,
your literary confessor...

647
00:38:27,245 --> 00:38:29,145
I must be honest with you.

648
00:38:29,247 --> 00:38:31,147
Don't buy this book.
You don't need it.

649
00:38:31,249 --> 00:38:33,410
I'll tell you something
much more appropriate for you.

650
00:38:33,518 --> 00:38:35,418
Leave your nest
and fly away with me.

651
00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:37,545
Well, I might buy that book too �

652
00:38:37,656 --> 00:38:39,681
Well, we don't have it
in stock right now...

653
00:38:39,791 --> 00:38:42,726
but I'd love to discuss the idea with you,
and if you like it �

654
00:38:42,827 --> 00:38:46,160
I'm afraid I haven't much time.
So, please, will you tell me?

655
00:38:46,264 --> 00:38:49,358
<i>How much is
How to Make Your Husband Happy?</i>

656
00:38:49,467 --> 00:38:52,493
Look at her. Dr. Blossom Franklin.

657
00:38:53,538 --> 00:38:57,066
<i>Now where could a woman like that
have found out how to make a husband happy?</i>

658
00:38:57,176 --> 00:38:59,667
You certainly don't want to
learn anything from her.

659
00:38:59,779 --> 00:39:02,009
You're so charming, so young
and so beautiful.

660
00:39:02,114 --> 00:39:04,139
I beg your pardon.
You shouldn't say such things.

661
00:39:04,250 --> 00:39:06,480
You see, miss, when selling literature,
one gets poetic.

662
00:39:06,586 --> 00:39:09,521
And you must forgive me
if I take poetic license once in a while.

663
00:39:09,622 --> 00:39:13,319
I'd rather not discuss it any further,
and if you don't mind, I'd like to buy this book.

664
00:39:13,426 --> 00:39:16,088
I do mind. Now, imagine
I'm the man you're going to marry.

665
00:39:16,195 --> 00:39:18,095
I couldn't imagine any such thing.

666
00:39:18,197 --> 00:39:20,825
Well, what's the matter with me?
You think I'm that terrible?

667
00:39:20,933 --> 00:39:23,993
Please. I just came in here to buy a book.
That's all.

668
00:39:24,103 --> 00:39:28,233
<i>I understand. But for the sake of discussion,
let's say we are getting married.</i>

669
00:39:28,341 --> 00:39:31,640
Believe me. I don't want anybody
to tell you how to make me happy.

670
00:39:31,744 --> 00:39:35,407
The greatest gift you could bring me
is to be just as you are � adorable.

671
00:39:35,514 --> 00:39:37,641
- All I want is a book.
- Stubborn, eh?

672
00:39:37,750 --> 00:39:40,014
- What?
- Pardon my poetic license.

673
00:39:40,119 --> 00:39:43,486
If you don't change your attitude,
I shall have to complain to your employer.

674
00:39:43,589 --> 00:39:45,921
I'm not employed here.
I'm not a book salesman.

675
00:39:46,025 --> 00:39:48,391
I took one look at you
and followed you into the store.

676
00:39:48,494 --> 00:39:50,724
If you'd walked into a restaurant,
I would have become a waiter.

677
00:39:50,830 --> 00:39:53,390
If you'd walked into a burning building,
I would have become a fireman.

678
00:39:53,499 --> 00:39:57,959
If you'd walked into an elevator,
I would have stopped it between two floors,
and we'd have spent the rest of our lives there.

679
00:40:02,676 --> 00:40:05,702
Please forgive me,
but you can't walk out of my life like that.

680
00:40:05,812 --> 00:40:07,780
I think your behavior's outrageous.
It's mad.

681
00:40:07,881 --> 00:40:10,247
- I must insist that you leave me at once.
- Never. Never.

682
00:40:10,350 --> 00:40:14,081
Is this man annoying you, miss?
If he is, just say so. I'll take care of him.

683
00:40:14,187 --> 00:40:16,849
Am I annoying you?
Tell the officer.

684
00:40:16,957 --> 00:40:21,018
No. The gentlemen was just
saying good-bye.

685
00:40:21,128 --> 00:40:23,653
- Well, good-bye.
- Good-bye.

686
00:40:25,999 --> 00:40:29,127
<i>[Henry Narrating]
This was our terrible secret.</i>

687
00:40:29,236 --> 00:40:31,704
<i>

688
00:40:37,310 --> 00:40:39,244
I'm terribly sorry, Albert.

689
00:40:39,346 --> 00:40:41,314
Dearest, you don't
seem to realize who's singing.

690
00:40:41,415 --> 00:40:43,315
I know. Young Mrs. Cooper-Cooper.

691
00:40:43,417 --> 00:40:46,045
If it were just a relative,
it wouldn't be half so embarrassing.

692
00:40:46,153 --> 00:40:49,350
But Mr. Cooper-Cooper is one of
your most important clients. I haven't forgotten.

693
00:40:49,456 --> 00:40:51,481
But what could I do?
I had to sneeze.

694
00:40:51,591 --> 00:40:55,027
But you did it right in the middle of her aria �
and five times.

695
00:40:55,128 --> 00:40:57,289
Because I had to sneeze five times.

696
00:40:57,397 --> 00:40:59,991
Albert, suppose someday in the future
I had to sneeze �

697
00:41:00,100 --> 00:41:02,125
Then you sneeze.
Naturally.

698
00:41:02,235 --> 00:41:05,466
Don't you worry. After all,
I'm taking you for better or for worse.

699
00:41:05,572 --> 00:41:07,541
Do you think
you may have to sneeze again?

700
00:41:07,642 --> 00:41:11,271
- I don't know. I can't guarantee it.
- Well, then let's not take any chances.

701
00:41:11,379 --> 00:41:14,746
Why don't you go in the library
and rest a while and see how things develop?

702
00:41:14,849 --> 00:41:16,749
Make yourself comfortable.
Read a book.

703
00:41:16,851 --> 00:41:19,081
[Whispers]
I think I'd better go back for the encore.

704
00:41:19,187 --> 00:41:21,417
<i>- Yes, dear.
-

705
00:42:02,296 --> 00:42:04,196
[Gasps]

706
00:42:07,735 --> 00:42:09,703
<i>

707
00:42:11,272 --> 00:42:13,172
[Sneezes]

708
00:42:16,979 --> 00:42:18,947
<i>

709
00:42:32,027 --> 00:42:33,927
- Cousin Henry.
- Yes, Cousin Martha?

710
00:42:34,029 --> 00:42:36,088
You must never do anything
like that again.

711
00:42:36,198 --> 00:42:38,291
Is that what you came back here
to tell me?

712
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:40,891
I think it's outrageous.
I hardly know you.

713
00:42:41,003 --> 00:42:43,164
Why, even Albert,
my own fianc�, never dared to �

714
00:42:43,272 --> 00:42:46,139
- Kiss you?
- Of course he kissed me. Why not?

715
00:42:46,241 --> 00:42:48,209
After all, we're engaged.

716
00:42:48,310 --> 00:42:51,006
- But he never kissed me like that.
- Like what?

717
00:42:53,015 --> 00:42:55,711
Oh, I hate you.
I hate you.

718
00:42:57,052 --> 00:42:59,987
I don't even know why
I stay in the same room with you.

719
00:43:01,757 --> 00:43:04,123
Please forgive me,
but can't we be friends?

720
00:43:04,226 --> 00:43:06,592
- Just friends?
- Never.

721
00:43:06,695 --> 00:43:10,654
Now, look, we're gonna be related, aren't we?
And we're gonna see each other.

722
00:43:10,766 --> 00:43:12,859
- How can we help it?
- I suppose we can't.

723
00:43:12,968 --> 00:43:17,200
And if we meet in the future we don't have to
talk about personal things � about you and me.

724
00:43:17,306 --> 00:43:19,206
Let's talk about something neutral.

725
00:43:19,308 --> 00:43:21,334
- For instance, Albert.
- Why not?

726
00:43:21,444 --> 00:43:24,345
By the way, do you love Albert?

727
00:43:24,447 --> 00:43:26,347
I'm marrying him, am I not?

728
00:43:26,449 --> 00:43:28,383
- Are you?
- Yes, I am.

729
00:43:28,484 --> 00:43:31,419
No, you're not. You can't.
You haven't got the book.

730
00:43:31,521 --> 00:43:33,682
<i>- What book?
- How to Make Your Husband Happy.</i>

731
00:43:33,790 --> 00:43:36,725
Well, it might interest you to know
that I went back and bought it.

732
00:43:36,826 --> 00:43:39,624
Does it tell you how to
make a man happy whom you don't love?

733
00:43:39,729 --> 00:43:41,629
Now, look here, Cousin Henry.

734
00:43:41,731 --> 00:43:44,632
Albert's a fine man.
Yes, he is.

735
00:43:44,734 --> 00:43:47,862
He's good, and � and he has integrity.

736
00:43:47,971 --> 00:43:50,804
- And he's full of high ideals.
- Do you love him?

737
00:43:50,907 --> 00:43:54,604
Well, I'm gonna make him a very fine wife.
At least I'm gonna try my best.

738
00:43:54,711 --> 00:43:58,613
There'll never be a moment in his whole life
when he'll ever regret having married me.

739
00:43:58,715 --> 00:44:03,175
And if you ask me one more question, I'm gonna
leave this room, and I'll never come back again.

740
00:44:03,286 --> 00:44:05,754
Never!
[Sobbing]

741
00:44:10,693 --> 00:44:12,752
I still can't understand it.

742
00:44:12,862 --> 00:44:16,320
An angel like you and Albert.
It � It doesn't make sense.

743
00:44:16,432 --> 00:44:20,869
- Why do you want to marry him?
- [Sobbing]

744
00:44:20,970 --> 00:44:23,905
Well, you see,
I always wanted to live in New York.

745
00:44:24,007 --> 00:44:25,999
I don't want to say
anything against Kansas...

746
00:44:26,110 --> 00:44:28,738
but life on my father's estate �

747
00:44:28,846 --> 00:44:32,680
Don't misunderstand me. We have all
the modern conveniences and luxuries, but �

748
00:44:32,783 --> 00:44:34,910
Oh, and you don't know
Father and Mother.

749
00:44:35,019 --> 00:44:36,953
Well, I've � I've only just met them.

750
00:44:37,054 --> 00:44:40,421
- Don't you think they're sweet?
- Well, yes. Very sweet.

751
00:44:40,524 --> 00:44:44,187
Yes, they are. But it's not very easy
to live with them.

752
00:44:44,295 --> 00:44:47,230
You see, most of the time
they don't talk to one another.

753
00:44:47,331 --> 00:44:50,095
And whenever a young man �
and there were some very nice ones �

754
00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:52,100
Oh, I'm sure of it.

755
00:44:52,202 --> 00:44:56,536
If one of them asked for my hand
and my mother said yes, my father said no.

756
00:44:56,640 --> 00:44:59,837
And when my father said yes,
my mother said no.

757
00:44:59,944 --> 00:45:04,404
But Albert came at one of those rare moments
when they were both on speaking terms.

758
00:45:04,515 --> 00:45:06,574
And if I hadn't said yes...

759
00:45:06,684 --> 00:45:10,620
who knows when my parents might have been
talking to each other again?

760
00:45:10,721 --> 00:45:14,452
I might have spent
the rest of my life in Kansas.

761
00:45:14,558 --> 00:45:18,153
Don't misunderstand me.
I love Kansas.

762
00:45:18,262 --> 00:45:20,628
It's just that
I don't feel like living there.

763
00:45:21,665 --> 00:45:23,724
Besides that...

764
00:45:23,834 --> 00:45:26,564
I didn't want to be an old maid.

765
00:45:26,670 --> 00:45:29,230
Not in Kansas.
[Sobbing]

766
00:45:32,744 --> 00:45:36,305
Well, you're going to live right here in New York,
and you don't have to marry Albert.

767
00:45:36,414 --> 00:45:40,350
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Yes, you do. You're gonna get married,
but not to Albert.

768
00:45:40,452 --> 00:45:43,080
And yet you won't even have to
change the initials on your linen.

769
00:45:43,188 --> 00:45:45,349
- You're going to marry me.
- Oh, we can't do that.

770
00:45:45,457 --> 00:45:47,823
How can I marry you?
I'm not even engaged to you.

771
00:45:47,926 --> 00:45:49,826
- Martha, do you love me?
- I hardly know you.

772
00:45:49,928 --> 00:45:53,261
You don't need to know anything when you love.
Love needs no introduction.
You love or you don't.

773
00:45:53,365 --> 00:45:56,960
- You don't know what you're saying.
You must be out of your mind.
- Do you love me or don't you?

774
00:45:57,068 --> 00:45:59,935
Trying to take away the fianc�e of
your own cousin, causing a family scandal.

775
00:46:00,038 --> 00:46:02,336
- Do you love me?
- Yes.

776
00:46:05,577 --> 00:46:07,545
Oh.

777
00:46:07,645 --> 00:46:09,636
Oh, why did you ever come into my life?

778
00:46:09,748 --> 00:46:12,478
To make you happy.
To hold you in my arms forever.

779
00:46:12,584 --> 00:46:14,711
I'll never be able to
look my father in the face.

780
00:46:14,819 --> 00:46:18,016
- I'll never be able to go back to Kansas again.
- Isn't that wonderful?

781
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:23,894
Oh, I wish I were dead.

782
00:46:23,995 --> 00:46:26,964
Look, let's get away. Let's get married immediately.
Right away. Tonight.

783
00:46:27,065 --> 00:46:28,965
- You mean elope?
- That's what I mean.

784
00:46:29,067 --> 00:46:32,503
But where would we go? Oh, I never did
such a thing before. I feel so helpless.

785
00:46:32,604 --> 00:46:34,799
I haven't got a thing with me.
Oh, I wish I were dead.

786
00:46:34,906 --> 00:46:37,397
When Romeo and Juliet ran away,
they didn't stop to say good-bye.

787
00:46:37,509 --> 00:46:40,673
When Leander swam the Hellespont to his
beloved, he didn't bother to take a suitcase.

788
00:46:40,780 --> 00:46:44,011
When Tristan falls in love with Isolde,
they have to sing for three and a half hours.

789
00:46:44,116 --> 00:46:48,917
All I'm asking you to do is hop into a cab
and drive to the first justice of the peace.
What are we waiting for?

790
00:46:49,021 --> 00:46:50,921
<i>

791
00:46:51,023 --> 00:46:52,923
[Sneezes]

792
00:46:53,025 --> 00:46:54,890
[Murmuring]

793
00:46:59,565 --> 00:47:02,796
- [All Chattering Excitedly]
- Was that Henry and Martha?

794
00:47:05,071 --> 00:47:08,063
- What happened?
- They left in a cab. They're going to get married.

795
00:47:08,174 --> 00:47:11,940
- Married?
- Married? Married?

796
00:47:12,044 --> 00:47:14,012
Oh, Randolph,
where does he get it from?

797
00:47:14,113 --> 00:47:16,775
Now, now, Bertha.
Keep a stiff upper lip.

798
00:47:16,882 --> 00:47:19,976
Sir, I am still too dazed
to express myself clearly...

799
00:47:20,086 --> 00:47:23,180
but I assure you that the sentiments
of our family are with you.

800
00:47:23,289 --> 00:47:27,248
If this happened at home, my husband
would jump on a horse and lasso them back.

801
00:47:27,359 --> 00:47:29,327
Don't you tell me what I would do.

802
00:47:29,428 --> 00:47:32,261
But there's one thing I am going to do �
disinherit her.

803
00:47:32,364 --> 00:47:34,355
She'll never see another nickel of mine.

804
00:47:34,467 --> 00:47:37,834
- We came here from Kansas a happy family.
- Well, anyway, a family.

805
00:47:37,937 --> 00:47:41,270
- We loved our Martha.
- Don't mention her name again.

806
00:47:41,373 --> 00:47:43,842
And if she comes crawling
back to me on her knees...

807
00:47:43,944 --> 00:47:47,277
she'll find the door closed �
and don't you open it.

808
00:47:47,380 --> 00:47:49,280
Please, dear family...

809
00:47:49,382 --> 00:47:52,647
thank you, thank you for your efforts
to comfort me in my bereavement...

810
00:47:52,752 --> 00:47:56,552
but I feel there are others who need
even more consolation than I do.

811
00:47:56,656 --> 00:47:58,886
Uncle Randolph and Aunt Bertha...

812
00:47:58,992 --> 00:48:03,361
you will have to forget as the years pass by
that you are the parents of the guilty party.

813
00:48:03,463 --> 00:48:05,522
And you, Mr. And Mrs. Strable �

814
00:48:05,632 --> 00:48:08,624
well, there's very little
I can say to sustain you.

815
00:48:08,735 --> 00:48:11,397
And to you, Mrs. Cooper-Cooper...

816
00:48:11,505 --> 00:48:16,568
I offer our deepest apology for the unfortunate
interruption of your beautiful aria.

817
00:48:16,676 --> 00:48:20,203
I would like to go on,
but the strain is too much.

818
00:48:31,124 --> 00:48:33,092
Flogdell.

819
00:48:36,096 --> 00:48:38,030
- Do you know where they were going?
- No, sir.

820
00:48:38,131 --> 00:48:41,032
Flogdell, we've been together for 30 years.
You've never lied to me.

821
00:48:41,134 --> 00:48:43,034
Now tell me.
Do you know where they were going?

822
00:48:43,136 --> 00:48:45,036
- Yes, sir.
- Get your hat and coat.

823
00:48:45,138 --> 00:48:48,073
- Very well, sir.
- Get a cab and tell the driver to go like lightning.

824
00:48:48,175 --> 00:48:50,838
- Very well, sir.
- I think they should have a honeymoon, don't you?

825
00:48:50,945 --> 00:48:52,970
- I think so, sir.
- Then hurry, hurry, hurry!

826
00:48:55,082 --> 00:48:57,778
"She was packed by E.F. Strable...

827
00:48:57,885 --> 00:49:00,683
"to be served at Albert's table...

828
00:49:01,722 --> 00:49:04,190
but that Henry changed the label."

829
00:49:04,292 --> 00:49:06,260
That's poetry.

830
00:49:07,361 --> 00:49:10,762
<i>[Henry Narrating]
In the next 10 years old houses were torn down.</i>

831
00:49:10,865 --> 00:49:13,493
<i>New houses rose taller and taller.</i>

832
00:49:13,601 --> 00:49:16,297
<i>New York was changing all over.</i>

833
00:49:16,404 --> 00:49:20,807
<i>But our marriage had lasted
just like our two-story gray-stone house.</i>

834
00:49:20,908 --> 00:49:24,036
[Coughing]

835
00:49:29,150 --> 00:49:31,050
- Good morning, Flogdell.
- Good morning, sir.

836
00:49:31,152 --> 00:49:33,120
- Oh, you're a new man, aren't you?
- Yes, sir.

837
00:49:33,221 --> 00:49:36,122
- How long have you been here?
- I should say about a year, sir.

838
00:49:36,224 --> 00:49:40,126
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
[Clearing Throat]

839
00:49:42,563 --> 00:49:45,555


840
00:49:49,537 --> 00:49:51,869
- Shh! Jackie.
- Good morning, Daddy.

841
00:49:51,973 --> 00:49:55,465
You know very well you're not supposed to
bounce that ball until your mother is up.

842
00:49:55,576 --> 00:49:57,636
- I'm sorry, Daddy.
- I've told you this many times.

843
00:49:57,746 --> 00:49:59,646
And I'm always sorry, Daddy.

844
00:49:59,748 --> 00:50:02,979
Daddy, I'll bet you'd like to know
what I'm gonna give you for your birthday.

845
00:50:03,085 --> 00:50:04,985
- I'm dying to know.
- It's something to wear.

846
00:50:05,087 --> 00:50:07,851
- Let's see now. Uh, is it a tie?
- I'm not telling.

847
00:50:07,956 --> 00:50:10,982
I'll give you a hint.
It has 22 colors in it.

848
00:50:11,093 --> 00:50:13,721
No tie can have that many colors,
so it can't be a tie.

849
00:50:13,829 --> 00:50:16,559
It can't be, huh?
Now, I'm not saying it is a tie...

850
00:50:16,665 --> 00:50:20,032
but if it were a tie, there wouldn't be
another one like it in the world.

851
00:50:20,135 --> 00:50:23,002
- I can believe that, Jackie.
- Daddy, how old are you going to be?

852
00:50:23,105 --> 00:50:25,005
- Thirty-six.
- That's pretty old, isn't it?

853
00:50:25,107 --> 00:50:29,134
Uh �Well, I never thought about it,
but I guess it is.

854
00:50:29,244 --> 00:50:33,010
Daddy, when you were as old as me,
what kind of a kid were you?

855
00:50:33,115 --> 00:50:35,447
Well, I was very obedient.

856
00:50:35,550 --> 00:50:38,178
When my parents told me to go to bed,
I went without arguing.

857
00:50:38,287 --> 00:50:40,312
I did my schoolwork,
brushed my teeth every morning.

858
00:50:40,422 --> 00:50:43,721
Gee, Daddy.
I guess you were a wonderful boy.

859
00:50:43,825 --> 00:50:45,816
Well, I suppose I was.

860
00:50:45,927 --> 00:50:48,293
Then old Grandpa
must be a terrible liar.

861
00:50:48,397 --> 00:50:50,297
Well, good-bye, Daddy.

862
00:50:56,471 --> 00:50:58,439
Where does he get it from?

863
00:51:01,643 --> 00:51:03,578
Good morning, Grandfather.
How are you feeling?

864
00:51:03,680 --> 00:51:05,580
[Coughing]

865
00:51:05,682 --> 00:51:08,242
- That's fine. Morning, Mother.
- Good morning, Henry.

866
00:51:08,351 --> 00:51:11,445
Mother, I want you to look at this.

867
00:51:12,488 --> 00:51:15,855
- Do you think Martha will like it?
- Oh, it's beautiful.

868
00:51:15,958 --> 00:51:18,051
After 10 years of me,
she's entitled to it.

869
00:51:18,161 --> 00:51:20,061
Yes. Ten years next Tuesday.

870
00:51:20,163 --> 00:51:22,063
- And you'll be 36.
- Mm-hmm.

871
00:51:22,165 --> 00:51:25,601
Oh, if your dear father could be here
and share this happiness with us.

872
00:51:25,702 --> 00:51:29,695
I always thank heaven he lived long enough to
see you settle down, become a fine husband...

873
00:51:29,806 --> 00:51:33,037
a good father
and a wonderful son.

874
00:51:33,142 --> 00:51:35,042
Well, it's all Martha.

875
00:51:35,144 --> 00:51:37,044
And only Martha.

876
00:51:37,146 --> 00:51:39,307
You know, Mother,
I'm the luckiest man in the world.

877
00:51:39,415 --> 00:51:42,384
Yes. She's a fine wife,
and she has a good influence on you.

878
00:51:42,485 --> 00:51:45,283
- And she's pretty lucky herself.
- [Clearing Throat]

879
00:51:45,388 --> 00:51:48,118
Yes. Don't be a mother-in-law.

880
00:51:49,192 --> 00:51:52,320
By the way, isn't she
coming down to breakfast?

881
00:51:52,428 --> 00:51:56,956
I didn't go into her room. The opera lasted
till after midnight, so she's probably tired.

882
00:51:57,066 --> 00:51:59,034
Thank you.

883
00:52:12,516 --> 00:52:16,316
- Anything serious?
- No. No. Nothing.

884
00:52:16,420 --> 00:52:19,048
Uh, excuse me.
I'll be right back.

885
00:52:48,051 --> 00:52:50,042
<i>[Hugo Clearing Throat]</i>

886
00:53:02,132 --> 00:53:04,566
Where is she?

887
00:53:04,668 --> 00:53:06,568
Let me see that telegram.

888
00:53:06,670 --> 00:53:08,865
It's just something personal.
It has nothing to do �

889
00:53:08,972 --> 00:53:11,270
So, you don't trust me anymore, hmm?

890
00:53:11,375 --> 00:53:13,343
I'm getting too old.

891
00:53:36,234 --> 00:53:38,327
Henry...

892
00:53:38,436 --> 00:53:40,996
you mean we've lost Martha?

893
00:53:42,874 --> 00:53:45,536
It's impossible.
It's incredible.

894
00:53:46,578 --> 00:53:49,342
It just doesn't make sense,
Martha leaving me.

895
00:53:49,447 --> 00:53:52,143
What did you do?
What happened?

896
00:53:52,250 --> 00:53:55,014
I don't know how I can
go on living without her.

897
00:53:55,119 --> 00:53:58,316
Grandpa, I love Martha.
I love her more than anything in the world.

898
00:53:58,423 --> 00:54:01,256
I didn't ask you that.
I asked you what happened.

899
00:54:02,360 --> 00:54:04,328
I don't know.

900
00:54:05,597 --> 00:54:07,861
I always thought she was
very happy with me.

901
00:54:07,966 --> 00:54:11,026
I don't know what she's heard.
You know how people talk about anybody.

902
00:54:11,135 --> 00:54:13,501
No man is perfect.

903
00:54:13,605 --> 00:54:15,766
But running away like this �

904
00:54:15,874 --> 00:54:18,570
Believe me.
I � I can't see any reason for it.

905
00:54:18,676 --> 00:54:22,579
If a woman like Martha runs away from
her husband, there must be a reason.

906
00:54:27,186 --> 00:54:29,086
Now look here, Henry.

907
00:54:29,188 --> 00:54:32,954
You were the only Van Cleve
I ever really cared about. I loved you.

908
00:54:33,058 --> 00:54:35,117
You were like me �
at least I thought so.

909
00:54:35,227 --> 00:54:37,127
You were all the things
I wanted to be.

910
00:54:37,229 --> 00:54:39,527
You did all the things
I wanted to do and didn't.

911
00:54:39,632 --> 00:54:43,398
- And now you've let me down.
- Grandpa, I can't live without her.

912
00:54:44,570 --> 00:54:46,731
- What �What am I gonna do?
- That's up to you.

913
00:54:46,839 --> 00:54:50,002
But let me tell you one thing.
I'm an old man.

914
00:54:50,109 --> 00:54:52,737
I might have to go any day now.

915
00:54:52,845 --> 00:54:55,109
And if you can't
make Martha forgive you...

916
00:54:55,214 --> 00:54:57,944
I'll be waiting up there
right in the entrance.

917
00:54:58,050 --> 00:55:00,985
And if you ever dare
to climb up that ladder...

918
00:55:01,086 --> 00:55:03,953
I'll hit you on the head
with a baseball bat.

919
00:55:05,324 --> 00:55:07,292
[Coughing]

920
00:55:42,128 --> 00:55:44,096
Jasper!

921
00:55:48,001 --> 00:55:50,265
- Jasper.
- Jasper!

922
00:55:50,370 --> 00:55:52,702
Jasper.

923
00:55:52,806 --> 00:55:54,774
Jasper.

924
00:55:54,874 --> 00:55:57,502
- Yes, sir?
- Where are the funny papers?

925
00:56:00,080 --> 00:56:01,980
Uh, boss, well, now, you see �

926
00:56:02,082 --> 00:56:04,812
- Get 'em, and get 'em right now!
- Yes, sir.

927
00:56:09,222 --> 00:56:12,123
- Good morning, Mrs. Strable.
- Good morning, Jasper.

928
00:56:12,225 --> 00:56:15,854
Uh, it's terrible bad weather
we're having today.

929
00:56:15,962 --> 00:56:18,863
You know, when I see it
pouring like this...

930
00:56:18,965 --> 00:56:21,365
I often wonder,
where does it all come from?

931
00:56:21,468 --> 00:56:24,369
You tell Mr. Strable he'll get
the funny papers when I'm through...

932
00:56:24,471 --> 00:56:26,371
and not one second sooner.

933
00:56:26,473 --> 00:56:28,373
Yes, ma'am.
I certainly will.

934
00:56:28,475 --> 00:56:30,443
Excuse me, ma'am.

935
00:56:33,147 --> 00:56:35,047
Boss...

936
00:56:35,149 --> 00:56:38,050
I just had a very fine
conversation with the missus...

937
00:56:38,152 --> 00:56:42,555
and she says if you'd just be good enough
to give the matter a little patience...

938
00:56:42,657 --> 00:56:45,558
<i>as soon as she finishes
The Katzenjammer Kids I think�</i>

939
00:56:45,660 --> 00:56:48,686
I came down
especially early this morning...

940
00:56:48,796 --> 00:56:51,697
to find out if the captain
got out of the barrel!

941
00:56:51,799 --> 00:56:55,565
This goes on every Sunday,
and I'm not gonna stand it anymore!

942
00:56:55,670 --> 00:56:58,798
- Jasper!
- Excuse me, Mr. Strable.

943
00:57:00,975 --> 00:57:02,875
Yes'm?

944
00:57:02,977 --> 00:57:05,878
You can tell Mr. Strable
the captain got out of the barrel.

945
00:57:05,980 --> 00:57:07,880
Boss! Boss!

946
00:57:07,982 --> 00:57:09,882
Got good news for ya!

947
00:57:09,984 --> 00:57:12,384
The captain is out!
Ain't that fine?

948
00:57:12,486 --> 00:57:15,455
- Now you can have a few more cakes.
- Ah, just a couple.

949
00:57:16,957 --> 00:57:20,586
I can't see how he could
get out of that barrel.

950
00:57:21,862 --> 00:57:23,853
Why, that barrel
had wooden slats...

951
00:57:23,964 --> 00:57:26,865
nailed down
on the top and the bottom...

952
00:57:26,967 --> 00:57:28,867
and there were steel bands
all around it...

953
00:57:28,969 --> 00:57:31,369
and they left it
in the middle of the desert.

954
00:57:31,472 --> 00:57:33,872
Now, how could he
ever get out of it?

955
00:57:33,974 --> 00:57:36,374
You eat your cakes
while they're nice and hot.

956
00:57:36,477 --> 00:57:39,447
In the meantime,
I'll see what I can find out.

957
00:57:42,417 --> 00:57:46,444
- Uh, another lamb chop, Mrs. Strable?
- I don't mind.

958
00:57:46,555 --> 00:57:51,583
About that barrel, the way he got out of it was,
a friendly snake came crawling �

959
00:57:51,693 --> 00:57:53,593
Don't tell me!

960
00:57:53,695 --> 00:57:55,856
You know it's no fun
unless I read it myself!

961
00:57:55,964 --> 00:57:58,762
What are you trying to do,
ruin my Sunday?

962
00:57:58,867 --> 00:58:02,428
Will you tell Mr. Strable
I was talking to you?

963
00:58:02,537 --> 00:58:04,903
Jasper...

964
00:58:05,006 --> 00:58:08,339
the snake came crawling along
in the desert...

965
00:58:08,443 --> 00:58:12,311
wound itself around the barrel,
and then, crunch!

966
00:58:12,414 --> 00:58:16,282
I can't live in this house any longer!

967
00:58:16,384 --> 00:58:18,284
<i>- Mr. Strable.
- What do you want, Daisy?</i>

968
00:58:18,386 --> 00:58:21,287
There's a gentleman here to see you
say he's from New York.

969
00:58:21,389 --> 00:58:23,653
- His name is Van Cleve.
- Van Cleve?

970
00:58:23,759 --> 00:58:25,659
That's the gentleman's name,
yes, sir.

971
00:58:25,761 --> 00:58:28,992
The nerve of him,
trying to walk into this house.

972
00:58:29,097 --> 00:58:31,622
- Tell him to go back where he came from.
- Yes, ma'am.

973
00:58:31,733 --> 00:58:33,633
- Wait a minute, Daisy.
- Yes, sir?

974
00:58:33,735 --> 00:58:36,829
Maybe I ought to see Mr. Van Cleve.
And if I wanna see him, he'll come in.

975
00:58:36,938 --> 00:58:40,396
And if I want him to stay here,
he'll stay right here!

976
00:58:42,611 --> 00:58:44,512
- Now, Daisy...
- Yes, sir?

977
00:58:44,614 --> 00:58:48,516
Go tell that man if he's not off these premises
in 10 seconds, I'll wring his neck!

978
00:58:48,618 --> 00:58:50,518
Yes, sir.
I'll most certainly tell him.

979
00:58:50,620 --> 00:58:53,987
- Jasper, get me some fresh hotcakes.
- Yes, sir.

980
00:58:56,225 --> 00:59:00,127
Excuse me, sir, but maybe somethin'
done happened to Miss Martha.

981
00:59:00,229 --> 00:59:03,164
<i>- You talk too much.
- Yes, sir.</i>

982
00:59:03,266 --> 00:59:05,166
<i>- Jasper.
- Yes, ma'am?</i>

983
00:59:05,268 --> 00:59:07,168
Tell that man to come in.

984
00:59:07,270 --> 00:59:09,238
Yes, ma'am.

985
00:59:10,373 --> 00:59:12,466
- Hurry up.
- Yes, sir!

986
00:59:13,543 --> 00:59:15,511
Mr. Van Cleve, if you please.

987
00:59:16,546 --> 00:59:18,514
How do you do?

988
00:59:20,249 --> 00:59:22,149
Oh! It's the other one!

989
00:59:22,251 --> 00:59:24,913
It's Albert.
Hello, Albert.

990
00:59:25,021 --> 00:59:27,581
- How do you do, Mrs. Strable?
- How do you do?

991
00:59:27,690 --> 00:59:31,126
- How do you do, Mr. Strable?
- Well, we haven't seen each other since �

992
00:59:31,227 --> 00:59:35,129
Not since that ill-fated occasion
10 years ago tomorrow.

993
00:59:35,231 --> 00:59:37,131
- Mmm. Had breakfast?
- Yes, thank you.

994
00:59:37,233 --> 00:59:39,133
- Well, sit down anyway.
- Thank you.

995
00:59:39,235 --> 00:59:42,727
- Got some business in Kansas?
- No, I was on my way to California.

996
00:59:42,839 --> 00:59:47,139
But I said to myself, why shouldn't I stop
and pay my respects to those charming Strables?

997
00:59:47,243 --> 00:59:50,144
- Well, what do you want?
- Nothing. Nothing in particular.

998
00:59:50,247 --> 00:59:52,147
- Good.
- Oh, yes!

999
00:59:52,249 --> 00:59:54,149
There is one bit of news.

1000
00:59:54,251 --> 00:59:57,345
I'll bet you can't guess
whom I met accidentally on the train.

1001
00:59:57,454 --> 00:59:59,354
Probably not.

1002
00:59:59,456 --> 01:00:02,220
- How's business in New York?
- Very good.

1003
01:00:02,326 --> 01:00:05,227
Well, I don't want to keep you
in suspense any longer.

1004
01:00:05,329 --> 01:00:08,025
I met your own daughter, Martha.

1005
01:00:09,166 --> 01:00:11,464
Don't mention her name
in this house!

1006
01:00:11,568 --> 01:00:13,468
We don't want to hear
anything more about her.

1007
01:00:13,570 --> 01:00:15,470
My dear friends...

1008
01:00:15,572 --> 01:00:18,302
speaking as a jurist, may I say
that even in our penal code...

1009
01:00:18,408 --> 01:00:20,808
we have wisely provided
a system of parole...

1010
01:00:20,911 --> 01:00:23,243
and I have excellent reason to believe
that the party�

1011
01:00:23,347 --> 01:00:26,714
whose name I, naturally, will not mention
in this house � has amply paid for her mistake.

1012
01:00:26,817 --> 01:00:28,250
Good.

1013
01:00:28,352 --> 01:00:32,288
And I am sure there is nothing she'd like better
than to come back to the paternal nest.

1014
01:00:32,389 --> 01:00:35,222
So she wants to leave him,
and now she remembers us.

1015
01:00:35,325 --> 01:00:38,260
Not a chance, Albert.
That's final.

1016
01:00:39,496 --> 01:00:42,226
Well, she's waiting in a carriage...

1017
01:00:42,332 --> 01:00:44,232
in front of this very house.

1018
01:00:44,334 --> 01:00:46,234
Who?

1019
01:00:46,336 --> 01:00:48,497
Martha?

1020
01:00:48,605 --> 01:00:51,005
<i>- Martha? Here?
- Yes, Mr. And Mrs. Strable.</i>

1021
01:00:51,108 --> 01:00:53,008
Shall I bring her in?

1022
01:00:53,110 --> 01:00:55,476
- Well, I don't know what Mrs. Strable thinks.
- Well, I �

1023
01:00:55,579 --> 01:00:58,140
<i>- And I don't care.
- I don't care what you think.</i>

1024
01:00:58,249 --> 01:01:01,616
- She might just as well come in
and stay till after the rain's over.
- All right.

1025
01:01:07,592 --> 01:01:10,117
Oh, Martha! Martha!

1026
01:01:22,540 --> 01:01:24,508
Hello.

1027
01:01:34,319 --> 01:01:36,879
- Hello, Father.
- Hello.

1028
01:01:36,988 --> 01:01:39,388
- Hello, Mother.
- Hello, Martha.

1029
01:01:39,490 --> 01:01:42,050
- Welcome home, Miss Martha.
- Thank you, Jasper.

1030
01:01:42,160 --> 01:01:44,321
- We all missed you.
- Get outta here.

1031
01:01:44,429 --> 01:01:46,329
- You talk too much.
- Yes, sir.

1032
01:01:46,431 --> 01:01:49,332
Well, I assume there are things
between daughter and parents...

1033
01:01:49,434 --> 01:01:52,335
that are better left to the daughter
and to the parents.

1034
01:01:52,437 --> 01:01:54,337
If you'll excuse me.

1035
01:01:54,439 --> 01:01:58,933
Well, I suppose it was a pretty muddy ride
from the station in all that rain.

1036
01:01:59,043 --> 01:02:00,943
Yes, I suppose it was.

1037
01:02:01,045 --> 01:02:02,946
Uh, do you want some breakfast?

1038
01:02:03,048 --> 01:02:05,448
It's Sunday morning.
We got wheat cakes.

1039
01:02:05,551 --> 01:02:08,452
Thank you, Father,
but I'm not hungry.

1040
01:02:08,554 --> 01:02:11,546
Well, the place hasn't
changed much, has it?

1041
01:02:11,657 --> 01:02:15,093
No, it looks exactly the same.

1042
01:02:15,194 --> 01:02:17,321
Maybe now
you'll appreciate your home.

1043
01:02:17,429 --> 01:02:20,330
It took you 10 years to find out
that we were right.

1044
01:02:20,432 --> 01:02:24,129
- If you'd listened to your mother�
- And your father, things might have been different.

1045
01:02:24,236 --> 01:02:27,137
- I think I'd better be going.
- Oh, you're getting touchy, huh?

1046
01:02:27,239 --> 01:02:29,673
Well, if anyone has
a right to be angry, it's us.

1047
01:02:29,775 --> 01:02:33,336
But we're willing
to let bygones be bygones.

1048
01:02:33,445 --> 01:02:37,006
After all, we're not made of stone.
If a daughter comes home and is sorry�

1049
01:02:37,116 --> 01:02:39,607
I'm not sorry,
and I don't want your forgiveness.

1050
01:02:39,718 --> 01:02:41,618
Then what did you come home for?

1051
01:02:41,720 --> 01:02:44,416
I came here because I felt
I wanted to see you.

1052
01:02:44,523 --> 01:02:47,686
- If you expect me to get down on my knees �
- Now, now, now, now, forget it.

1053
01:02:47,793 --> 01:02:51,126
After all, you were young,
and it probably was all the fault of that �

1054
01:02:51,230 --> 01:02:53,130
Please, Father.

1055
01:02:53,232 --> 01:02:56,429
I don't want to hear a single unpleasant word
about the last 10 years, or I'll have to go.

1056
01:03:01,273 --> 01:03:03,173
Martha.

1057
01:03:03,275 --> 01:03:05,175
You look so tired, dear.

1058
01:03:05,277 --> 01:03:08,178
- Well, no wonder. After all �
- Can't you keep still?

1059
01:03:08,281 --> 01:03:11,148
It's all dead and buried,
and let's forget it.

1060
01:03:11,251 --> 01:03:13,151
Come on. Let's go upstairs.

1061
01:03:13,253 --> 01:03:16,745
You're going to have a nice, hot bath,
and then you're going to lie down and rest.

1062
01:03:16,856 --> 01:03:18,824
<i>Now, how's that? Huh?</i>

1063
01:03:21,561 --> 01:03:24,530
[Blowing]

1064
01:03:50,056 --> 01:03:53,423
So he really got out of that barrel.

1065
01:03:53,526 --> 01:03:55,494
Well, what do you think of that?

1066
01:04:19,120 --> 01:04:22,089
[No Audible Dialogue]

1067
01:04:40,908 --> 01:04:43,570
<i>[Dog Snarling, Barking]</i>

1068
01:04:47,748 --> 01:04:50,546
<i>- [Barking Continues]
- Jasper!</i>

1069
01:04:50,651 --> 01:04:53,051
Jasper!
What's all that noise about?

1070
01:04:54,655 --> 01:04:56,555
Just had a talk with Mr. Chuck.

1071
01:04:56,657 --> 01:04:59,717
He say somebody said they saw
a couple of prowlers on the grounds.

1072
01:04:59,827 --> 01:05:02,990
- Maybe some of them horse thieves.
- Well, tell Chuck to keep after 'em.

1073
01:05:03,097 --> 01:05:04,997
- Yes, sir.
- If necessary, shoot 'em.

1074
01:05:05,099 --> 01:05:06,964
Yes, sir.

1075
01:05:09,436 --> 01:05:12,337
Excuse me, Father, but if you don't mind,
I think I'll go upstairs.

1076
01:05:12,439 --> 01:05:14,339
I'm getting pretty tired.
Good night.

1077
01:05:14,441 --> 01:05:16,341
- Good night, Martha.
- Good night, Mother.

1078
01:05:16,443 --> 01:05:19,173
Good night, dear.
Remember, breakfast at 7:30.

1079
01:05:19,280 --> 01:05:21,181
Yes, Mother.
Good night, Albert.

1080
01:05:21,283 --> 01:05:23,251
Good night, Martha.

1081
01:05:29,291 --> 01:05:31,259
<i>Martha?</i>

1082
01:05:34,696 --> 01:05:37,597
Well, Martha, I want you
to have a restful night.

1083
01:05:37,699 --> 01:05:40,259
And why not?
Your troubles are actually over.

1084
01:05:40,368 --> 01:05:42,768
- I suppose you're right.
- I know I am.

1085
01:05:42,871 --> 01:05:45,533
You paid for your mistakes,
and paid dearly.

1086
01:05:45,640 --> 01:05:50,339
Now, I don't want anybody to get the impression
that I've been the victim of 10 years of misery.

1087
01:05:50,445 --> 01:05:52,345
Nothing of the kind.

1088
01:05:52,447 --> 01:05:54,881
On the contrary, I can say
there were moments in my marriage...

1089
01:05:54,983 --> 01:05:57,884
which few women have been
lucky enough to have experienced.

1090
01:05:57,986 --> 01:06:00,887
- There were times when you were lifted
way up to the sky...
- Yes, way up.

1091
01:06:00,989 --> 01:06:03,253
Only to be dropped way down afterward.

1092
01:06:03,358 --> 01:06:07,055
That's not the purpose of marriage.
Marriage isn't a series of thrills.

1093
01:06:07,162 --> 01:06:11,360
Marriage is a peaceful, well-balanced
adjustment of two right-thinking people.

1094
01:06:11,466 --> 01:06:13,832
I'm afraid that's only too true.

1095
01:06:13,935 --> 01:06:15,835
Well, good night, Albert.

1096
01:06:15,937 --> 01:06:20,533
Uh, Martha, there's... one other thought
I want you to sleep with.

1097
01:06:21,576 --> 01:06:25,307
My feelings for you
have remained unchanged.

1098
01:06:25,413 --> 01:06:28,315
That's very kind of you, Albert,
and I'm touched.

1099
01:06:28,417 --> 01:06:30,817
Naturally, I'm not the flashy type,
like some people.

1100
01:06:30,920 --> 01:06:33,821
I'd say I was rather
on the conservative side.

1101
01:06:33,923 --> 01:06:37,586
If I were, for instance, a suit of clothes,
you wouldn't call me a stylish cut.

1102
01:06:37,693 --> 01:06:39,752
And I prefer it that way.

1103
01:06:39,862 --> 01:06:43,423
But I can safely say
I'm made of solid material.

1104
01:06:43,532 --> 01:06:47,059
I'm sewed together carefully
and my lining is good, Martha.

1105
01:06:47,169 --> 01:06:49,763
Frankly, I believe I wear well.

1106
01:06:49,872 --> 01:06:52,773
I'm... not too hot in the summer...

1107
01:06:52,875 --> 01:06:56,038
and I give protection in the winter.

1108
01:06:56,145 --> 01:06:58,545
- Need I say more?
- No, Albert.

1109
01:06:58,648 --> 01:07:02,345
You've given a complete
and accurate description of yourself.

1110
01:07:02,451 --> 01:07:05,079
- Good night.
- Thank you, Martha.

1111
01:07:11,894 --> 01:07:13,794
<i>- Miss Martha?
- Yes?</i>

1112
01:07:13,896 --> 01:07:16,296
Excuse me.
That horse thief we were looking for�

1113
01:07:16,399 --> 01:07:18,299
- Did you catch him?
- Yes, ma'am.

1114
01:07:18,401 --> 01:07:21,165
- He's in your room waiting for you.
- In my r�

1115
01:07:22,204 --> 01:07:24,968
- You mean �
- Yes, miss. That's him.

1116
01:07:35,352 --> 01:07:37,513
Martha, darling, sweetheart �

1117
01:07:39,189 --> 01:07:42,647
How could you do a thing like this to me?
Don't you realize what I went through?

1118
01:07:42,759 --> 01:07:45,159
- Oh, Henry�
- Running away like that without a word!

1119
01:07:45,262 --> 01:07:47,162
Can't you imagine how I suffered?

1120
01:07:47,264 --> 01:07:50,825
How could you do this to me?
Oh, Martha, Martha.

1121
01:07:50,934 --> 01:07:53,402
Henry, it won't work anymore.

1122
01:07:54,938 --> 01:07:57,839
- What's Albert doing here?
- I met him by accident on the train.

1123
01:07:57,941 --> 01:08:00,842
- He was very nice to me, and �
- Accident? You expect me to believe that?

1124
01:08:00,944 --> 01:08:03,845
Here I am, looking all over the world
for my wife, going insane with despair.

1125
01:08:03,947 --> 01:08:07,644
And where do I find her? 2,000 miles away
in a lonely country place with another man.

1126
01:08:07,751 --> 01:08:10,720
- I don't see how I can stand any more.
- Henry, it won't work.

1127
01:08:12,255 --> 01:08:14,155
Very well.

1128
01:08:14,257 --> 01:08:17,158
If it comes to the point where
a woman doubts her husband's sincerity...

1129
01:08:17,260 --> 01:08:19,160
there's nothing more to do.

1130
01:08:19,262 --> 01:08:21,162
Everything is over.
Good-bye, Martha.

1131
01:08:21,264 --> 01:08:23,232
Good-bye, Henry.

1132
01:08:29,873 --> 01:08:32,535
Martha, I really mean this.
I'm going.

1133
01:08:32,642 --> 01:08:34,303
I know you mean it, Henry.

1134
01:08:35,412 --> 01:08:37,380
All right.

1135
01:08:40,418 --> 01:08:44,286
Just give me five minutes to pull myself together,
and you'll never see me again. Never, never.

1136
01:08:44,389 --> 01:08:47,017
Oh, Henry, I know your every move.

1137
01:08:47,125 --> 01:08:49,218
I know your outraged indignation.

1138
01:08:49,327 --> 01:08:52,228
I know the poor, weeping little boy.

1139
01:08:52,330 --> 01:08:55,959
I know the misunderstood,
strong, silent man...

1140
01:08:56,067 --> 01:09:00,504
the wounded lion who's too proud to explain
what happened in the jungle last night.

1141
01:09:00,605 --> 01:09:02,505
So, I'm a fake.

1142
01:09:02,607 --> 01:09:04,507
- I'm false, I'm cheap.
- Oh, Henry, please �

1143
01:09:04,609 --> 01:09:07,009
- I know I've brought you nothing but unhappiness.
- You know that's not true.

1144
01:09:07,111 --> 01:09:09,511
- Oh! So we had some good times together.
- Some wonderful times.

1145
01:09:09,614 --> 01:09:12,515
Then what do you want? What did I do?
Even a murderer has a right to defend himself.

1146
01:09:12,617 --> 01:09:15,177
- [Together]
You can't hang a man without evidence.
- I know.

1147
01:09:15,286 --> 01:09:18,187
[Sighs] If I only knew
what particular thing is in your mi �

1148
01:09:18,289 --> 01:09:20,189
- Have you seen Aunt Minetta recently?
- Yes, of course.

1149
01:09:20,291 --> 01:09:22,191
Oh, well, now everything is clear.

1150
01:09:22,293 --> 01:09:25,194
This is something I didn't even want to
mention to you, it's so unimportant.

1151
01:09:25,296 --> 01:09:27,696
When she saw me, yes,
I was at the Plaza having tea...

1152
01:09:27,799 --> 01:09:30,700
and at the table with me was a very handsome
young woman, but there was nothing to it.

1153
01:09:30,802 --> 01:09:33,703
- I would have explained to you myself�
- But you didn't want to make me uncomfortable.

1154
01:09:33,805 --> 01:09:36,706
- Even for one second.
- That's right, darling. That's exactly right.

1155
01:09:36,808 --> 01:09:40,471
Henry, it won't work. And besides,
Aunt Minetta didn't say one word about you.

1156
01:09:40,578 --> 01:09:43,479
- And as for the young lady at the Plaza �
- Darling, I can easily explain that.

1157
01:09:43,581 --> 01:09:45,709
Oh, I know you can.
You're a master at that.

1158
01:09:45,818 --> 01:09:48,218
All right, all right.
I'm fighting a losing battle.

1159
01:09:48,320 --> 01:09:51,221
I don't love you. I never loved you.
I love everybody in New York more than you.

1160
01:09:51,323 --> 01:09:54,292
<i>- There you go again.
- [Bell Tolling]</i>

1161
01:09:59,598 --> 01:10:02,158
It's the 25th of October.

1162
01:10:02,267 --> 01:10:04,235
Many happy returns.

1163
01:10:08,807 --> 01:10:10,707
Thank you, Martha...

1164
01:10:10,809 --> 01:10:13,710
but it's something much more important
than my birthday.

1165
01:10:13,812 --> 01:10:16,076
It's our anniversary.

1166
01:10:16,181 --> 01:10:21,346
Ten years ago today, I was almost
as much in love with you as I am right now.

1167
01:10:21,453 --> 01:10:26,117
It's very difficult for a woman to send
her husband away on their 10th anniversary...

1168
01:10:26,225 --> 01:10:29,194
especially when he speaks
as beautifully as you do.

1169
01:10:30,229 --> 01:10:32,129
But I must do it.

1170
01:10:32,231 --> 01:10:35,098
All right, darling.
I know it's all over.

1171
01:10:36,134 --> 01:10:40,127
I'm sure you'll find someone else
who will be... really worthy of you.

1172
01:10:41,273 --> 01:10:43,173
But let's pretend...

1173
01:10:43,275 --> 01:10:45,243
just for a minute.

1174
01:10:46,278 --> 01:10:48,246
Happy anniversary.

1175
01:10:52,118 --> 01:10:54,018
Do you like it?

1176
01:10:54,120 --> 01:10:56,748
I'd say it cost at least $10,000.

1177
01:10:57,824 --> 01:11:00,725
For that money,
it's a very good purchase.

1178
01:11:00,827 --> 01:11:03,853
Why, Martha,
how can you talk like that?

1179
01:11:03,963 --> 01:11:06,864
If you'd only forgotten
to give me this bracelet...

1180
01:11:06,966 --> 01:11:10,868
I probably would have been foolish enough
to be in your arms right now.

1181
01:11:10,970 --> 01:11:14,133
You've no idea
what a mistake you made.

1182
01:11:14,240 --> 01:11:17,004
The magician
played one trick too many.

1183
01:11:19,045 --> 01:11:22,947
The other day I was having
a new photograph made ofJackie and me.

1184
01:11:23,049 --> 01:11:26,246
I wanted to have it the right size
to fit into your wallet.

1185
01:11:27,287 --> 01:11:29,312
So I slipped into your room.

1186
01:11:29,422 --> 01:11:31,686
This fell out of your wallet.

1187
01:11:43,937 --> 01:11:48,340
And I don't ever remember having received
any bracelet from you on or about May 2.

1188
01:11:48,441 --> 01:11:50,841
<i>Oh, so that's what it's all about.
[Laughs]</i>

1189
01:11:50,944 --> 01:11:53,845
And to think that you went through all this
just because the jeweler made a mistake.

1190
01:11:53,947 --> 01:11:57,349
And that what the whole thing is � a mistake.
Naturally, I didn't buy a bracelet for $500.

1191
01:11:57,451 --> 01:12:00,249
Has Cartier ever made a mistake
in any of our bills before?

1192
01:12:00,354 --> 01:12:03,721
Darling, I love you. I think you're the most
beautiful, adorable thing in all the world.

1193
01:12:03,824 --> 01:12:06,725
Do you really believe there's any woman
good enough to take me away from you?

1194
01:12:06,827 --> 01:12:09,489
And if there were such a woman, do you think
she'd be worth only a $500 bracelet?

1195
01:12:09,597 --> 01:12:11,497
- Henry, I �
- Darling, I'll make you a bet.

1196
01:12:11,599 --> 01:12:13,999
If Cartier doesn't admit that
this whole thing is a terrible mistake �

1197
01:12:14,101 --> 01:12:16,661
- Then you won't buy there anymore.
- Henry, it won't work.

1198
01:12:16,770 --> 01:12:19,671
- Grandpa!
- Martha, my darling.

1199
01:12:19,773 --> 01:12:22,241
Come on, come on.
Let's get started. Let's pack.

1200
01:12:22,343 --> 01:12:25,835
- Grandpa, what do you mean?
- Naturally, you're going back with us to New York.

1201
01:12:25,946 --> 01:12:28,847
What are you standing there for?
You're making a pretty bad job of it.

1202
01:12:28,949 --> 01:12:31,850
Come on, sweep her off her feet,
or we'll miss the next train.

1203
01:12:31,952 --> 01:12:34,352
- If I can't make her happy,
then I don't want her to come back.
- Yeah, that's better.

1204
01:12:34,455 --> 01:12:36,389
- No, I mean this seriously.
- That's why it's good.

1205
01:12:36,490 --> 01:12:39,050
Look, Martha, let's face it.

1206
01:12:39,159 --> 01:12:42,060
- You want a divorce.
- I see no other way.

1207
01:12:42,162 --> 01:12:44,562
- What aboutJackie?
- Naturally, I want him.

1208
01:12:44,665 --> 01:12:47,065
I think you're right.
I think he should get away from me.

1209
01:12:47,167 --> 01:12:49,567
- I didn't mean it that way.
- But I did.

1210
01:12:49,670 --> 01:12:52,070
I adore the boy, and therefore
I think he shouldn't be with me.

1211
01:12:52,172 --> 01:12:55,073
Well, I don't think a child
should be deprived of his father.

1212
01:12:55,175 --> 01:12:57,575
Do you want him to grow up
to be another Henry Van Cleve...

1213
01:12:57,678 --> 01:13:00,579
and on his 36th birthday make his wife
as unhappy as I've made you?

1214
01:13:00,681 --> 01:13:03,583
- Are the rest of your things in the closet?
- Yes.

1215
01:13:03,685 --> 01:13:06,586
For instance, do you know
what our littleJackie did the other day?

1216
01:13:06,688 --> 01:13:09,088
- What?
- He bought some ice cream for a little girl.

1217
01:13:09,190 --> 01:13:11,317
What's wrong about that?
I think it's charming.

1218
01:13:11,426 --> 01:13:14,395
But the girl he bought the ice cream for
was not the girl he should have bought it for.

1219
01:13:14,496 --> 01:13:16,054
- It wasn't?
- No.

1220
01:13:16,164 --> 01:13:17,825
Little devil.

1221
01:13:17,932 --> 01:13:20,833
And when the one little girl
found out that the other girl �

1222
01:13:20,935 --> 01:13:23,267
Well, that boy got himself
into such a mess.

1223
01:13:23,371 --> 01:13:25,271
Oh, if I only could have been there.

1224
01:13:25,373 --> 01:13:28,035
You should have seen our littleJackie
trying to get himself out of that situation.

1225
01:13:28,143 --> 01:13:30,668
- Did he?
- Yes.

1226
01:13:30,779 --> 01:13:32,679
Little girl likes him better than before.

1227
01:13:32,781 --> 01:13:35,409
Good. What a child.

1228
01:13:35,517 --> 01:13:38,748
- Believe me, he is a problem.
- I suppose so.

1229
01:13:38,853 --> 01:13:40,753
But when he makes up his little stories �

1230
01:13:40,855 --> 01:13:43,756
And you know they're just little stories,
but he wants you to believe them so badly...

1231
01:13:43,858 --> 01:13:45,758
that you wish you could...

1232
01:13:45,860 --> 01:13:48,192
and finally what can you do but �

1233
01:13:57,038 --> 01:13:58,938
Happy anniversary.

1234
01:13:59,040 --> 01:14:00,940
I'm still too confused.
I've got to collect myself.

1235
01:14:01,042 --> 01:14:03,442
- Give her time to make up her mind.
- She can do that on the train.

1236
01:14:03,545 --> 01:14:06,446
- But what am I going to say to my parents?
- Send 'em a telegram.

1237
01:14:06,548 --> 01:14:08,448
- Sneak out of the house in the middle of the night?
- Exactly.

1238
01:14:08,550 --> 01:14:10,451
- Like burglars?
- Like thieves.

1239
01:14:10,553 --> 01:14:12,453
- We did it once before.
- Why shouldn't we do it again?

1240
01:14:12,555 --> 01:14:15,456
- How many people are lucky enough to have
the thrill of eloping twice in one marriage?
- That's it! That's it!

1241
01:14:15,558 --> 01:14:18,959
- How many women love their husbands enough
to forgive them and start all over again?
- Good! Good!

1242
01:14:19,061 --> 01:14:21,962
And how many men love their wives enough to lie
and say they're guilty when they've done nothing?

1243
01:14:22,064 --> 01:14:24,965
- Careful, Henry, careful.
- At least nothing that amounts to very much.

1244
01:14:25,067 --> 01:14:27,467
I wouldn't go any further into that.
We'd better get started.

1245
01:14:27,570 --> 01:14:29,538
I'll see if the coast is clear.

1246
01:14:35,411 --> 01:14:37,311
<i>- [Whispering] Jasper. Jasper?
- Yes?</i>

1247
01:14:37,413 --> 01:14:39,313
- Everything ready?
- Yes, sir. Right out in front.

1248
01:14:39,415 --> 01:14:42,316
All my life I've wanted
to run away with a woman.

1249
01:14:42,418 --> 01:14:45,114
- Jasper, it's happening!
- Thank you, sir.

1250
01:14:47,089 --> 01:14:49,057
All right, come on.

1251
01:14:51,594 --> 01:14:54,062
<i>- [Martha] Bye, Jasper.
- Good-bye, Miss Martha. Good-bye.</i>

1252
01:14:56,532 --> 01:14:59,501
[Mr. Strable Snoring]

1253
01:15:14,116 --> 01:15:17,917
[Loud Snort, Snoring Continues]

1254
01:15:21,458 --> 01:15:24,188
[Murmurs]

1255
01:15:37,474 --> 01:15:39,669
Albert!

1256
01:15:39,776 --> 01:15:41,744
Come!

1257
01:15:47,651 --> 01:15:51,485
And so, farewell, dear E.F. Strable!

1258
01:15:51,588 --> 01:15:54,421
We'll take Martha!
You keep Mabel!

1259
01:15:54,524 --> 01:15:56,754
Yippee!
[Laughs]

1260
01:15:56,860 --> 01:15:58,828
[Coughing]

1261
01:16:03,366 --> 01:16:05,334
<i>[Blows]</i>

1262
01:16:06,469 --> 01:16:08,437
<i>[Blows]</i>

1263
01:16:09,873 --> 01:16:13,775
<i>[Henry Narrating]
Then one birthday began following another...</i>

1264
01:16:13,877 --> 01:16:16,107
<i>faster and faster.</i>

1265
01:16:16,213 --> 01:16:18,807
<i>Each year there were
more and more candles...</i>

1266
01:16:18,915 --> 01:16:20,941
<i>- and less and less�
- [Short Exhale]</i>

1267
01:16:33,965 --> 01:16:36,456
<i>Yes, I became 45.</i>

1268
01:16:36,567 --> 01:16:38,467
<i>Then came 46...</i>

1269
01:16:38,569 --> 01:16:40,628
<i>47...</i>

1270
01:16:40,738 --> 01:16:42,638
<i>and I stopped counting.</i>

1271
01:16:42,740 --> 01:16:44,640
<i>-
- On one of these birthdays...</i>

1272
01:16:44,742 --> 01:16:48,075
<i>Martha and I, just the two of us,
went to the Follies.</i>

1273
01:16:48,179 --> 01:16:51,273
[Male Soloist]


1274
01:16:51,382 --> 01:16:53,646


1275
01:16:53,751 --> 01:16:56,049
[Female Chorus]


1276
01:16:56,153 --> 01:17:00,089
[Sheikh]


1277
01:17:00,191 --> 01:17:02,523
[Chorus]
We're in love, as you can see

1278
01:17:02,627 --> 01:17:06,461
[Sheikh]


1279
01:17:06,564 --> 01:17:08,862
[Chorus]
when the moon is shining bright

1280
01:17:08,966 --> 01:17:12,868
[Sheikh]


1281
01:17:12,970 --> 01:17:15,268
[Chorus]


1282
01:17:15,373 --> 01:17:19,139
[Sheikh]


1283
01:17:19,243 --> 01:17:21,643
[Chorus]


1284
01:17:21,746 --> 01:17:25,739
[Sheikh]


1285
01:17:25,850 --> 01:17:28,046
[Chorus]


1286
01:17:28,153 --> 01:17:32,112
[Sheikh]


1287
01:17:32,224 --> 01:17:34,522
[Chorus]


1288
01:17:34,626 --> 01:17:39,859
[Sheikh]


1289
01:17:41,700 --> 01:17:43,600
<i>-
- Suddenly I noticed...</i>

1290
01:17:43,702 --> 01:17:46,500
<i>a very attractive girl
coming down the staircase.</i>

1291
01:17:46,605 --> 01:17:49,506
<i>To me she was
just another attractive girl...</i>

1292
01:17:49,608 --> 01:17:52,133
<i>but, I must admit, attractive.</i>

1293
01:17:53,178 --> 01:17:55,078
<i>Anyway, a few weeks later...</i>

1294
01:17:55,180 --> 01:17:58,149
<i>I happened to find out
that her name was Peggy Nash...</i>

1295
01:17:58,250 --> 01:18:03,347
<i>and I happened to hear things about her
which made me very eager to meet Miss Nash.</i>

1296
01:18:14,132 --> 01:18:16,532
<i>- [Woman] Yes?
- A Mr. Jones to see you.</i>

1297
01:18:16,635 --> 01:18:18,603
<i>I'll be out in a minute.</i>

1298
01:18:24,843 --> 01:18:27,744
<i>- Will you come in, please, Mr. Jones?
- Thank you.</i>

1299
01:18:27,846 --> 01:18:30,815
- Miss Nash will be with you in just a minute.
- Thank you.

1300
01:18:45,565 --> 01:18:48,728
<i>- How do you do, Mr. Jones?
- How do you do, Miss Nash?</i>

1301
01:18:49,769 --> 01:18:52,397
- Won't you sit down?
- Thank you.

1302
01:18:54,040 --> 01:18:57,601
Thank you so much
for those beautiful, beautiful roses.

1303
01:18:57,710 --> 01:19:01,441
When I saw you the other evening at the Follies
coming down that stairway, I said to myself�

1304
01:19:01,547 --> 01:19:03,447
"That's the girl of my dreams"?

1305
01:19:03,549 --> 01:19:05,210
Uh, that's right.

1306
01:19:05,318 --> 01:19:07,286
- You see, Miss Nash �
- Call me Peggy.

1307
01:19:08,454 --> 01:19:10,354
Well, this is delightful.

1308
01:19:10,456 --> 01:19:12,447
- Hello, Peggy.
- Hello, Jonesy.

1309
01:19:12,558 --> 01:19:14,526
[Both Chuckling]

1310
01:19:14,627 --> 01:19:17,858
Well, Jonesy, let me tell you,
that note that came with your flowers �

1311
01:19:17,964 --> 01:19:19,864
- You liked it?
- Who wouldn't?

1312
01:19:19,966 --> 01:19:22,366
It was so full of charm.
It was so sweet.

1313
01:19:22,468 --> 01:19:24,800
It had all the quaintness
of bygone days.

1314
01:19:24,904 --> 01:19:27,202
[Clears Throat]
Really?

1315
01:19:27,306 --> 01:19:29,968
Yes. You know, men don't
write that way anymore.

1316
01:19:30,076 --> 01:19:31,976
Why are there so few of you left?

1317
01:19:32,078 --> 01:19:34,410
[Clears Throat]
Miss Nash, to tell you the truth...

1318
01:19:34,514 --> 01:19:37,415
I didn't exactly come up here
to be admired as a museum piece.

1319
01:19:37,517 --> 01:19:39,418
Now, Jonesy, don't be touchy.

1320
01:19:39,520 --> 01:19:41,420
- Yeah. Anyway, Miss Nash �
- Peggy.

1321
01:19:41,522 --> 01:19:43,422
Anyway, Peggy...

1322
01:19:43,524 --> 01:19:46,425
I'm sure it's a waste of time
to talk of the past...

1323
01:19:46,527 --> 01:19:50,224
when the present can be so lovely
that one anticipates a most delightful future.

1324
01:19:50,330 --> 01:19:53,231
Oh, thank you, Jonesy.
What a difference.

1325
01:19:53,333 --> 01:19:56,234
You know, the moment you meet
somebody of today he says...

1326
01:19:56,336 --> 01:19:58,566
"How about it, babe?
Where do we have supper?"

1327
01:19:58,672 --> 01:20:01,072
The next moment,
he pulls out a diamond bracelet.

1328
01:20:01,175 --> 01:20:04,076
And before you know it
there it is on your wrist.

1329
01:20:04,178 --> 01:20:06,146
How crude. How crude.

1330
01:20:06,246 --> 01:20:08,146
Yes, very crude.

1331
01:20:08,248 --> 01:20:10,148
And let me tell you...

1332
01:20:10,250 --> 01:20:12,150
a bracelet hastily presented...

1333
01:20:12,252 --> 01:20:14,311
is usually selected hastily...

1334
01:20:14,421 --> 01:20:16,981
whereas a bracelet chosen with care �

1335
01:20:17,091 --> 01:20:20,151
- Has better stones?
- The very best.

1336
01:20:20,260 --> 01:20:23,423
Oh, Jonesy, Jonesy,
you make it all sound so wonderful.

1337
01:20:23,530 --> 01:20:26,829
- But how could I explain such a gift to �
- To whom?

1338
01:20:32,139 --> 01:20:34,039
Oh. Friend of yours?

1339
01:20:34,141 --> 01:20:36,041
Very much so.

1340
01:20:36,143 --> 01:20:38,543
- Serious?
- I'm afraid it is.

1341
01:20:38,645 --> 01:20:41,546
Is there anything I could do
to make you forget this young man?

1342
01:20:41,648 --> 01:20:43,843
Jonesy, you're asking a lot.

1343
01:20:43,951 --> 01:20:45,920
Just look at him.

1344
01:20:46,020 --> 01:20:49,251
<i>- He seems very young.
- Not too young.</i>

1345
01:20:49,357 --> 01:20:52,884
Would it be indiscreet of me
to ask who this young man is?

1346
01:20:54,929 --> 01:20:58,160
Come on, Mr. Van Cleve.
Don't you know your own son?

1347
01:20:59,267 --> 01:21:01,326
No, I didn't fall into your trap.

1348
01:21:01,436 --> 01:21:04,405
You know, Mr. Van Cleve,
girls are awfully smart these days.

1349
01:21:04,506 --> 01:21:07,407
It must be rather sad
for the great cavalier of the gay '90s...

1350
01:21:07,509 --> 01:21:09,409
to find his technique
is getting rusty.

1351
01:21:09,511 --> 01:21:12,912
Yes, I've heard all about
the daring Henry.

1352
01:21:13,014 --> 01:21:15,505
I understand
in my mother's day you were.

1353
01:21:15,617 --> 01:21:18,848
And I'm sure you had
a very dashing figure.

1354
01:21:18,953 --> 01:21:21,547
And now you're a kind of, um...

1355
01:21:21,656 --> 01:21:23,590
retired Casanova.

1356
01:21:23,691 --> 01:21:26,592
You know, it's always the same with men
when they retire.

1357
01:21:26,694 --> 01:21:29,424
Some grow flowers, and, uh...

1358
01:21:29,531 --> 01:21:31,499
some grow a tummy.

1359
01:21:36,171 --> 01:21:39,572
Miss Nash, my son
means very much to me.

1360
01:21:39,674 --> 01:21:42,905
- He means very much to me too.
- How much?

1361
01:21:43,011 --> 01:21:45,912
Oh, yes, that's right.
Of course.

1362
01:21:46,014 --> 01:21:47,914
In your day girls used to wait...

1363
01:21:48,016 --> 01:21:51,612
for the old-fashioned father to come
with the big checkbook to pay off.

1364
01:21:51,720 --> 01:21:53,620
I'm sure that happened.

1365
01:21:53,722 --> 01:21:55,849
Well, that's one thing
that hasn't changed.

1366
01:21:55,958 --> 01:21:59,394
Shall we say... 5,000?

1367
01:21:59,495 --> 01:22:01,395
Five thousand?

1368
01:22:01,497 --> 01:22:03,397
Oh, Jonesy, you underestimate me.

1369
01:22:03,499 --> 01:22:05,399
I'm much worse than that.

1370
01:22:05,501 --> 01:22:08,800
To get rid of somebody
as terrible as me is worth �

1371
01:22:08,904 --> 01:22:12,533
Well, I'll make you a bargain �
$25,000.

1372
01:22:15,578 --> 01:22:17,978
All right.
I'll send you the money.

1373
01:22:18,080 --> 01:22:21,311
- Before lunch?
- Before lunch.

1374
01:22:21,417 --> 01:22:23,317
Good-bye, Miss Nash.

1375
01:22:23,419 --> 01:22:25,944
- You've been perfectly charming.
- And so have you.

1376
01:22:26,055 --> 01:22:29,650
- And you hope never to see me again.
- [Chuckles] I wouldn't say that.

1377
01:22:31,694 --> 01:22:35,323
Miss Nash, now that our problem
has been solved...

1378
01:22:35,431 --> 01:22:37,661
I would like to ask
one slight question.

1379
01:22:37,766 --> 01:22:42,169
Not that it matters, but I'm just curious
and I would appreciate an honest answer.

1380
01:22:42,271 --> 01:22:44,171
I give you my word.

1381
01:22:44,273 --> 01:22:48,266
Suppose you didn't know I was Jack's father
and you happened to see me on the street...

1382
01:22:48,377 --> 01:22:50,777
or in a restaurant.

1383
01:22:50,879 --> 01:22:53,439
This is just an academic question.

1384
01:22:53,549 --> 01:22:55,449
How old would you say I am?

1385
01:22:55,551 --> 01:22:58,112
Well, I'd say about 50.

1386
01:22:59,456 --> 01:23:01,356
- That old?
- Oh, I'm sorry.

1387
01:23:01,458 --> 01:23:04,359
- I didn't mean to hurt you.
- Oh, no, no. That's perfectly all right.

1388
01:23:04,461 --> 01:23:08,022
- Thanks very much.
- Excuse me, but how old are you?

1389
01:23:09,065 --> 01:23:11,033
Fifty.

1390
01:23:26,783 --> 01:23:29,013
No wonder you get those headaches.

1391
01:23:29,119 --> 01:23:31,417
Thank you, darling.

1392
01:23:45,001 --> 01:23:48,402
[Clears Throat]
Martha, this is going to be a bit unpleasant.

1393
01:23:48,505 --> 01:23:52,168
I've tried to keep it from you for some time,
but now I think I'd better tell you.

1394
01:23:52,275 --> 01:23:55,176
I know.
You don't love me anymore.

1395
01:23:55,278 --> 01:23:57,405
Now, darling, don't try to be funny.

1396
01:23:57,514 --> 01:23:59,414
It's aboutJack.

1397
01:23:59,516 --> 01:24:01,916
Will you please
stop worrying aboutJack?

1398
01:24:02,018 --> 01:24:04,419
If he wants to stay out late,
what of it?

1399
01:24:04,522 --> 01:24:07,616
If he's ever going to have any fun,
now's the time. Don't spoil it.

1400
01:24:07,725 --> 01:24:11,627
Martha, this is serious.
Very, very serious.

1401
01:24:11,729 --> 01:24:15,460
I just happened to learn the boy
got into the clutches of a certain girl.

1402
01:24:15,566 --> 01:24:18,967
I went to a great deal of trouble �
Believe me, it wasn't easy�

1403
01:24:19,070 --> 01:24:21,368
but I managed to find out
who the girl was.

1404
01:24:21,472 --> 01:24:23,440
- You mean Peggy Nash?
- Ye �

1405
01:24:24,575 --> 01:24:27,237
Where did you �
How did you know?

1406
01:24:27,345 --> 01:24:30,007
Oh, I forget.
Someone told me.

1407
01:24:30,114 --> 01:24:32,810
You go to lunch,
and you hear things.

1408
01:24:32,917 --> 01:24:37,115
Why didn't you tell me? How can you
be so placid about a thing like this?

1409
01:24:37,221 --> 01:24:39,712
Darling, why should I excite you?

1410
01:24:39,824 --> 01:24:44,227
I know you so well. Certain little things
get you all worked up, and then you don't sleep.

1411
01:24:44,328 --> 01:24:47,297
Then you have to take a pill,
and then you don't want to take a pill.

1412
01:24:47,398 --> 01:24:50,299
Believe me, Henry,
the less attention you pay to them �

1413
01:24:50,401 --> 01:24:52,301
Really, these things
work themselves out.

1414
01:24:52,403 --> 01:24:54,303
Oh, Martha, Martha.

1415
01:24:54,405 --> 01:24:56,305
That is one of your greatest charms.

1416
01:24:56,407 --> 01:25:00,309
After almost 25 years in New York,
you're still the innocent little girl from Kansas.

1417
01:25:00,411 --> 01:25:04,814
But, fortunately,
I have had experience with showgirls.

1418
01:25:04,915 --> 01:25:08,442
And it's a father's function
to save his son from the mistakes he made.

1419
01:25:08,552 --> 01:25:12,353
If we ignore matters like this,
how do you think our boy will end up?

1420
01:25:12,457 --> 01:25:15,358
Just like you �with a girl like me.

1421
01:25:15,460 --> 01:25:18,020
No, darling, never.

1422
01:25:18,130 --> 01:25:20,030
Where would he find
anybody like you?

1423
01:25:20,132 --> 01:25:22,032
He couldn't.
He won't be that lucky.

1424
01:25:22,134 --> 01:25:25,626
- Aren't you sweet.
- I have no illusions about myself.

1425
01:25:25,737 --> 01:25:28,934
Martha, if I hadn't met you
I hate to think where I'd be right now.

1426
01:25:29,040 --> 01:25:30,940
Well, probably outside
some stage door...

1427
01:25:31,042 --> 01:25:32,942
or even inside the dressing room...

1428
01:25:33,044 --> 01:25:34,944
and having a wonderful time.

1429
01:25:35,046 --> 01:25:37,446
- [Chuckles] Oh, now, darling �
- Come on. Give me a kiss.

1430
01:25:37,549 --> 01:25:39,517
Don't let's worry about it anymore.

1431
01:25:46,425 --> 01:25:48,325
[Clears Throat]

1432
01:25:48,427 --> 01:25:51,828
Martha, I just want to
get your viewpoint.

1433
01:25:51,930 --> 01:25:56,492
Do you think it would be a bad idea,
just to be safe, if I looked up this girl and, uh �

1434
01:25:56,601 --> 01:25:58,501
And what?

1435
01:25:58,603 --> 01:26:01,504
Well, maybe,
just to avoid complications...

1436
01:26:01,606 --> 01:26:05,007
ask her to leave the boy alone
and, if necessary, buy her off.

1437
01:26:05,110 --> 01:26:08,011
Now, Henry, don't even consider
anything as foolish as that.

1438
01:26:08,113 --> 01:26:11,014
All right, all right, all right.
It was just a thought.

1439
01:26:11,116 --> 01:26:14,017
- If you want me to, I'll drop it.
- Good.

1440
01:26:14,119 --> 01:26:16,088
How much did you pay the girl?

1441
01:26:17,156 --> 01:26:19,556
Why, what do you mean?

1442
01:26:19,659 --> 01:26:22,355
Don't I know my Henry
and his innocent eyes?

1443
01:26:22,462 --> 01:26:25,659
I beg your pardon, sir, but you've told me
to let you know when Mr. Jack arrived, sir.

1444
01:26:25,765 --> 01:26:27,790
- He's just come in, sir.
- Thank you.

1445
01:26:27,900 --> 01:26:29,800
<i>- [Door Closes]
- Mmm.</i>

1446
01:26:29,902 --> 01:26:32,803
You see? He's home early for the first time
in weeks, and I'll tell you why.

1447
01:26:32,905 --> 01:26:35,305
He went to the theater as usual,
and she gave him his walking papers.

1448
01:26:35,408 --> 01:26:38,536
- And the poor boy is probably all upset.
- I hope he is.

1449
01:26:38,644 --> 01:26:41,545
And, Martha, don't you baby him.
Don't you spoil what I've done.

1450
01:26:41,647 --> 01:26:44,582
<i>- Hello.
- [Martha] Hello, Jack.</i>

1451
01:26:44,684 --> 01:26:46,652
Hello, Mother.

1452
01:26:48,821 --> 01:26:50,721
Hello, Father.

1453
01:26:50,823 --> 01:26:52,222
- How are you, Jack?
- Fine.

1454
01:26:52,325 --> 01:26:56,159
- You look a little depressed.
- Who, me? I never felt better in all my life.

1455
01:26:56,262 --> 01:26:58,162
Besides that, I could use $100.

1456
01:26:58,264 --> 01:27:00,357
A hundred dollars?
What for?

1457
01:27:00,466 --> 01:27:04,163
Well, I wanna throw a little party tonight,
take someone out.

1458
01:27:04,270 --> 01:27:05,760
Oh. I see.

1459
01:27:05,872 --> 01:27:08,773
Tell me, whom are you
going around with these days, Jack?

1460
01:27:08,875 --> 01:27:11,776
Now, Martha, that's Jack's personal life
and we shouldn't pry into it.

1461
01:27:11,878 --> 01:27:13,778
Here you are, Jack.
There's your hundred dollars.

1462
01:27:13,880 --> 01:27:15,780
- Thanks, Father.
- Have a good time.

1463
01:27:15,882 --> 01:27:18,077
- Thanks.
- I'm not interested in whom you're taking out.

1464
01:27:18,184 --> 01:27:20,084
I'm sure she's all right.

1465
01:27:20,186 --> 01:27:23,418
Anyway, it's none of our business
whether you're taking out MaryJones...

1466
01:27:23,524 --> 01:27:25,424
Helen Smith, Mitzi Glutz...

1467
01:27:25,526 --> 01:27:27,426
or Peggy Nash.

1468
01:27:27,528 --> 01:27:29,223
Peggy Nash?

1469
01:27:29,329 --> 01:27:32,230
Father, what is this? Are you trailing me?
Where'd you hear that name?

1470
01:27:32,332 --> 01:27:34,232
I don't know.

1471
01:27:34,334 --> 01:27:36,734
Martha, where did we
hear that name?

1472
01:27:36,837 --> 01:27:39,067
I don't know.
And don't ask me.

1473
01:27:39,172 --> 01:27:42,198
Well, uh, uh, one has friends...

1474
01:27:42,309 --> 01:27:46,006
and, yes, one goes to lunch an �

1475
01:27:46,113 --> 01:27:49,605
Tell me, isn't she a Follies girl
famous for coming down a staircase?

1476
01:27:49,716 --> 01:27:52,617
- Look, we're all grown up, aren't we?
- Why, certainly.

1477
01:27:52,719 --> 01:27:55,916
- Well, I had a crush on her.
- Ah, and why not?

1478
01:27:56,023 --> 01:27:59,390
- Why shouldn't he?
- I don't know. And don't ask me.

1479
01:27:59,493 --> 01:28:02,394
I, uh � I understand
she's a very attractive girl.

1480
01:28:02,496 --> 01:28:05,226
Oh, she is,
and I took her pretty seriously.

1481
01:28:05,332 --> 01:28:08,426
<i>- Oh, you did, huh?
- Yes, very.</i>

1482
01:28:08,535 --> 01:28:11,129
- And then after a little time...
- Yes?

1483
01:28:11,238 --> 01:28:13,570
- I got tired of her.
- Oh.

1484
01:28:13,674 --> 01:28:15,574
Oh, you did, huh?

1485
01:28:15,676 --> 01:28:18,577
So then I faced the problem
of how to get rid of her.

1486
01:28:18,679 --> 01:28:20,977
- Things like that aren't easy.
- I should say not.

1487
01:28:21,081 --> 01:28:24,573
- Don't ask me.
- I didn't ask you. I merely made a statement.

1488
01:28:24,685 --> 01:28:27,085
- Go on, Jack.
- After all, what could she do to me?

1489
01:28:27,187 --> 01:28:29,088
I hadn't promised her anything.

1490
01:28:29,190 --> 01:28:31,090
- You hadn't?
- I should say not.

1491
01:28:31,192 --> 01:28:33,160
I wasn't the first romance in her life.

1492
01:28:33,261 --> 01:28:35,161
You know, I'm no baby.

1493
01:28:35,263 --> 01:28:38,164
But nevertheless, you went there
expecting a lot of trouble, didn't you?

1494
01:28:38,266 --> 01:28:41,167
Yes, but to my surprise,
she was so big about the whole thing...

1495
01:28:41,269 --> 01:28:43,169
and let me off so easily.

1496
01:28:43,271 --> 01:28:45,671
Oh, she did, eh?
Well, isn't that fortunate.

1497
01:28:45,773 --> 01:28:47,673
<i>- [Chuckling]
- Yes.</i>

1498
01:28:47,775 --> 01:28:51,541
She was so wonderful about the whole thing,
I almost fell in love with her again.

1499
01:28:51,646 --> 01:28:53,546
Y� Oh.

1500
01:28:53,648 --> 01:28:56,549
Oh, but it's all over now,
and I'm glad of it.

1501
01:28:56,651 --> 01:28:58,846
- And so am I.
- And so am I.

1502
01:28:58,953 --> 01:29:01,854
As a matter of fact,
I never was happier in my life.

1503
01:29:01,956 --> 01:29:04,857
And while we're on the subject, Jack,
I think you're getting to the age...

1504
01:29:04,959 --> 01:29:07,723
where you should start to look around
for a really nice girl.

1505
01:29:07,829 --> 01:29:10,730
Oh, I don't have to look around.
I've met her already.

1506
01:29:10,832 --> 01:29:12,732
- You have?
- A wonderful girl.

1507
01:29:12,834 --> 01:29:17,066
- The most wonderful girl I ever met in my life.
- Really! Well, isn't that nice.

1508
01:29:17,171 --> 01:29:20,402
Tell me, who is the young lady?
Is she someone I might know?

1509
01:29:20,508 --> 01:29:22,408
A New York girl, perhaps?

1510
01:29:22,510 --> 01:29:24,410
Oh, no.
She comes from Philadelphia.

1511
01:29:24,512 --> 01:29:26,412
Oh! From Philadelphia.

1512
01:29:26,514 --> 01:29:29,244
Somehow Philadelphia always sounds right,
doesn't it, Martha?

1513
01:29:29,350 --> 01:29:32,319
- Yes, it does. Tell us who she is.
- Yes, tell us.

1514
01:29:32,420 --> 01:29:34,753
Well, have you been to
Earl Carroll's Vanities?

1515
01:29:37,159 --> 01:29:39,457
You mean this girl
comes down a staircase too?

1516
01:29:39,561 --> 01:29:41,529
I should say not.
Not this girl.

1517
01:29:41,630 --> 01:29:43,757
This one slides down the bannister,
falls in the orchestra...

1518
01:29:43,866 --> 01:29:45,766
and lands � bang �
right on the big drum.

1519
01:29:45,868 --> 01:29:47,768
Oh, you'll be crazy about her.

1520
01:29:47,870 --> 01:29:50,168
See you tomorrow.
I have to run along.

1521
01:29:55,010 --> 01:29:56,910
What's the matter with that boy?

1522
01:29:57,012 --> 01:29:59,572
He's young, Henry.
That's all.

1523
01:29:59,682 --> 01:30:02,651
Come on, dear.
It's time to go to bed.

1524
01:30:12,661 --> 01:30:14,561
Martha, I want to ask you something.

1525
01:30:14,663 --> 01:30:17,063
And don't spare my feelings.
Be absolutely frank.

1526
01:30:17,166 --> 01:30:19,066
I always am.

1527
01:30:19,168 --> 01:30:22,069
If you didn't know me
and you saw me for the first time...

1528
01:30:22,171 --> 01:30:24,401
on the street or in a restaurant �

1529
01:30:25,841 --> 01:30:28,742
Martha, do you think
I'm getting a little heavy?

1530
01:30:28,844 --> 01:30:32,245
[Laughs]
Don't let that worry you.

1531
01:30:32,347 --> 01:30:34,247
As a matter of fact, I like it.

1532
01:30:34,349 --> 01:30:36,249
Let me tell you something.

1533
01:30:36,351 --> 01:30:40,254
Nearly 15 years ago, when you and Grandfather
brought me back from Kansas...

1534
01:30:40,356 --> 01:30:43,985
I still didn't feel that you really
belonged to me, and only to me.

1535
01:30:44,094 --> 01:30:46,562
I can't put my finger
on anything definite...

1536
01:30:46,663 --> 01:30:50,724
but still, whenever I wasn't with you
I was always a little uncertain...

1537
01:30:50,834 --> 01:30:54,326
and nervous
about my little Casanova.

1538
01:30:54,437 --> 01:30:56,803
- [Clearing Throat]
- And then...

1539
01:30:56,906 --> 01:31:00,307
one day I noticed
that you began to have a little �

1540
01:31:00,410 --> 01:31:02,844
Well, just a little tummy.

1541
01:31:03,947 --> 01:31:06,347
Then I knew I was safe.

1542
01:31:06,449 --> 01:31:11,443
From that moment on I knew that you
were really mine, that you'd settle down.

1543
01:31:14,924 --> 01:31:18,655
Now go to bed, darling.
You've had a hard day.

1544
01:31:18,762 --> 01:31:20,730
- Good night.
- Good night, dear.

1545
01:31:22,766 --> 01:31:26,429
<i>[Henry Narrating]
Yes, we were married 25 years.</i>

1546
01:31:26,536 --> 01:31:30,267
<i>We were celebrating
our silver wedding anniversary.</i>

1547
01:31:45,288 --> 01:31:48,417
- Have you seen Mrs. Van Cleve?
- No, sir. I've been in the kitchen.

1548
01:31:50,461 --> 01:31:53,430
- Jack, is your mother upstairs?
- No. I haven't seen her.

1549
01:31:59,303 --> 01:32:02,830
Darling.
What are you doing in here all alone?

1550
01:32:02,940 --> 01:32:05,340
Nothing.
I just want to take a little rest.

1551
01:32:05,442 --> 01:32:08,343
- After all, it's been such an exciting evening.
- Nothing wrong, is there?

1552
01:32:08,445 --> 01:32:10,345
- No, nothing.
- Are you sure?

1553
01:32:10,447 --> 01:32:12,347
- Yes, dear.
- You're feeling all right, aren't you?

1554
01:32:12,449 --> 01:32:14,974
- Of course, darling. I'm just �
- Just what?

1555
01:32:15,085 --> 01:32:17,986
Well, to tell you the truth,
I was being a little sentimental...

1556
01:32:18,088 --> 01:32:20,989
so I came in here for a few minutes.

1557
01:32:21,091 --> 01:32:23,059
Ah.

1558
01:32:24,461 --> 01:32:26,361
Yes.

1559
01:32:26,463 --> 01:32:28,693
This is where it all started.

1560
01:32:28,799 --> 01:32:30,767
Twenty-five years ago.

1561
01:32:32,469 --> 01:32:34,437
I was �

1562
01:32:36,173 --> 01:32:38,573
Yes, I was standing over there
by that desk.

1563
01:32:38,676 --> 01:32:41,372
No, you were sitting in a chair.

1564
01:32:41,478 --> 01:32:43,378
Yes. You're right.

1565
01:32:43,480 --> 01:32:45,880
<i>And then you came in
and you stood by the desk.</i>

1566
01:32:45,983 --> 01:32:48,383
Then suddenly
you started walking toward me...

1567
01:32:48,485 --> 01:32:50,385
very slowly, very slowly.

1568
01:32:50,487 --> 01:32:52,388
I could count every step.

1569
01:32:52,490 --> 01:32:55,891
Oh, you were such a frightened little girl.
The closer I came, the more frightened you were.

1570
01:32:55,994 --> 01:32:58,087
Darling, I want to make a confession.

1571
01:32:58,196 --> 01:33:00,926
- After all, we've been married 25 years.
- What is it?

1572
01:33:01,032 --> 01:33:03,091
I wasn't frightened at all.

1573
01:33:03,201 --> 01:33:05,101
- You weren't?
- Not at all.

1574
01:33:05,203 --> 01:33:08,104
And when you were walking toward me
so very slowly, do you know what was in my mind?

1575
01:33:08,206 --> 01:33:11,107
- No.
- I thought, What's the matter with him?
Can't he walk faster?

1576
01:33:11,209 --> 01:33:13,177
[Both Laughing]

1577
01:33:18,884 --> 01:33:21,785
- And then I ran out into the hall.
- But you came back.

1578
01:33:21,887 --> 01:33:24,185
- Only because I had to sneeze.
- Mm-hmm.

1579
01:33:24,289 --> 01:33:26,917
[Laughs]

1580
01:33:28,360 --> 01:33:30,760
I beg your pardon, madam.
You are wanted on the telephone.

1581
01:33:30,862 --> 01:33:32,830
Oh.

1582
01:33:37,402 --> 01:33:39,302
Hello?

1583
01:33:39,404 --> 01:33:42,805
Yes, I called you.
Well, it's really not important.

1584
01:33:42,908 --> 01:33:44,933
Yes, everything is all right now.

1585
01:33:45,043 --> 01:33:46,943
I'll call you soon.

1586
01:33:47,045 --> 01:33:49,013
All right, tomorrow.

1587
01:33:50,448 --> 01:33:52,348
- Who was that?
- Oh, nothing special.

1588
01:33:52,450 --> 01:33:55,351
- Let's go back to our guests, shall we?
- Darling, who was that on the phone?

1589
01:33:55,453 --> 01:33:57,854
- I'll tell you all about it some other time.
- Why not now?

1590
01:33:57,957 --> 01:34:01,859
- Our guests will be wondering where we are.
- Now, Martha, who was that?

1591
01:34:01,961 --> 01:34:03,861
All right, I'll tell you.

1592
01:34:03,963 --> 01:34:05,863
It's another confession.

1593
01:34:05,965 --> 01:34:08,365
- My lover.
- I don't think that's funny at all.

1594
01:34:08,467 --> 01:34:11,368
- Are you jealous?
- Oh, don't be silly, Martha.

1595
01:34:11,470 --> 01:34:14,371
But why can't you tell your husband
whom you talk to over the telephone?

1596
01:34:14,473 --> 01:34:17,704
Besides, I wouldn't have brought it up
right now, but just the same...

1597
01:34:17,810 --> 01:34:20,711
for the past several weeks
you've been going out in the afternoons...

1598
01:34:20,813 --> 01:34:23,714
and you've always managed
to avoid telling me where you were.

1599
01:34:23,816 --> 01:34:25,716
<i>You are jealous!</i>

1600
01:34:25,818 --> 01:34:28,582
Henry, at last, after 25 years!

1601
01:34:28,688 --> 01:34:31,248
- Thank you, darling.
- Martha, whom did you talk to?

1602
01:34:31,357 --> 01:34:34,758
Darling, don't be a baby. What dashing
young cavalier would be pursuing me?

1603
01:34:34,860 --> 01:34:38,557
Plenty. You're still very attractive,
and � and you know it.

1604
01:34:39,598 --> 01:34:41,498
Henry...

1605
01:34:41,600 --> 01:34:45,434
I don't think you realize
how sweet you're being at this moment.

1606
01:34:45,538 --> 01:34:49,770
No husband could have said anything lovelier
to his wife on their 25th anniversary.

1607
01:34:50,910 --> 01:34:54,437
Imagine if, 25 years ago,
I hadn't sneezed.

1608
01:34:54,547 --> 01:34:58,108
I wouldn't be
the happiest woman in the world right now.

1609
01:34:58,217 --> 01:35:00,549
- Are you?
- Yes, Henry.

1610
01:35:07,561 --> 01:35:10,223
- Now, who was it?
- I'll tell you tomorrow.

1611
01:35:10,330 --> 01:35:13,527
I am not going to leave this room
until you tell me.

1612
01:35:13,633 --> 01:35:15,760
Well, knowing my obstinate little boy�

1613
01:35:15,869 --> 01:35:18,770
You promise to be sensible
and not make a mountain out of a molehill?

1614
01:35:18,872 --> 01:35:21,602
- I promise. Now �
- Well, you know how women are.

1615
01:35:21,708 --> 01:35:25,804
We have too much time on our hands, and we
begin to imagine there are things wrong with us.

1616
01:35:25,912 --> 01:35:29,348
And I'm no exception,
so I've been going to a doctor, that's all.

1617
01:35:29,449 --> 01:35:31,417
[Laughing]

1618
01:35:32,919 --> 01:35:34,819
Darling, I feel like a fool.

1619
01:35:34,921 --> 01:35:38,618
Now I have a confession I must make to you �
I really was jealous.

1620
01:35:38,725 --> 01:35:41,421
Martha. What did you go to the doctor for?
What's wrong?

1621
01:35:41,528 --> 01:35:43,928
- Nothing, really.
- So that's why you came in this room.

1622
01:35:44,031 --> 01:35:46,932
- You weren't feeling well. Darling, is it serious?
- I tell you, it's nothing at all.

1623
01:35:47,034 --> 01:35:48,934
- Just a little dizzy spell.
- Darling �

1624
01:35:49,036 --> 01:35:52,972
Now, you promised to be sensible.
Come on, let's dance.

1625
01:35:54,074 --> 01:35:57,601
Martha, what did the doctor say?

1626
01:35:57,711 --> 01:36:01,306
Listen, dear, if I take five drops
three times a day...

1627
01:36:01,415 --> 01:36:03,815
and if you don't
worry about me too much...

1628
01:36:03,917 --> 01:36:06,317
we'll both live to celebrate
our golden anniversary.

1629
01:36:06,420 --> 01:36:09,389
<i>- Now, come on. Let's dance.
-

1630
01:36:20,435 --> 01:36:22,335
<i>[Henry Narrating]
I didn't know it then...</i>

1631
01:36:22,437 --> 01:36:25,497
<i>but this was our last anniversary.</i>

1632
01:36:25,606 --> 01:36:28,575
<i>It was the last time we danced together.</i>

1633
01:36:29,677 --> 01:36:32,771
<i>There were only a few more months
left for Martha...</i>

1634
01:36:33,948 --> 01:36:37,406
<i>and she made them the happiest
of our lives together.</i>

1635
01:37:00,341 --> 01:37:03,868
<i>Sixty. Yes, I was 60.</i>

1636
01:37:03,978 --> 01:37:06,811
<i>Jack insisted on celebrating.</i>

1637
01:37:06,914 --> 01:37:09,542
<i>And here are my relatives
who came to make this birthday...</i>

1638
01:37:09,650 --> 01:37:12,813
<i>an occasion of riotous gaiety.</i>

1639
01:37:12,920 --> 01:37:14,888
<i>Cousin William� 73.</i>

1640
01:37:14,989 --> 01:37:17,982
<i>Aunt Minnie,
who admitted to 81.</i>

1641
01:37:18,093 --> 01:37:20,721
<i>The total age
of this scintillating assemblage...</i>

1642
01:37:20,829 --> 01:37:23,855
<i>was over 1,400 years.</i>

1643
01:37:23,966 --> 01:37:26,799
<i>I believeJack gave this party
on purpose...</i>

1644
01:37:26,902 --> 01:37:31,464
<i>to remind me that I was contributing
60 years to that 1,400.</i>

1645
01:37:37,212 --> 01:37:39,112
- Good morning.
- Good morning, Miss Ralston.

1646
01:37:39,214 --> 01:37:41,614
- Is Mr. Van Cleve down yet?
- He's having his breakfast.

1647
01:37:41,717 --> 01:37:43,582
Oh. Thank you.

1648
01:37:46,088 --> 01:37:48,579
<i>- Good morning, Mr. Van Cleve.
- Good morning, Miss Ralston.</i>

1649
01:37:48,690 --> 01:37:51,591
Sorry to get you up so early, but I want
these two letters to leave on the 9:30 plane.

1650
01:37:51,693 --> 01:37:53,593
Yes, Mr. Van Cleve.

1651
01:37:53,695 --> 01:37:56,664
When you get back to the office, please see
that I get a complete domestic report...

1652
01:37:56,765 --> 01:37:58,892
from every department before noon
because I may go to Chicago.

1653
01:37:59,001 --> 01:38:00,901
Very well.

1654
01:38:01,003 --> 01:38:03,904
Now, uh, there's just
one little thing.

1655
01:38:04,006 --> 01:38:09,034
It's, uh �Well, a letter came in from your father
addressed to the board of directors, and �

1656
01:38:09,144 --> 01:38:11,044
Is he trying to go over my head again?

1657
01:38:11,146 --> 01:38:13,910
- Oh, I'm sure he didn't mean it that way.
- What does he want?

1658
01:38:14,016 --> 01:38:17,383
We live together in the same house,
and then he writes letters to the board of directors.

1659
01:38:17,486 --> 01:38:19,386
What's the old gentleman
trying to put over this time?

1660
01:38:19,488 --> 01:38:21,719
He wants the board of directors
to vote him a bonus.

1661
01:38:21,824 --> 01:38:25,726
- A bonus?
- He talked to me yesterday, confidentially.

1662
01:38:25,828 --> 01:38:27,728
In case that bonus doesn't go through...

1663
01:38:27,830 --> 01:38:30,765
he wanted me to persuade you to give him
at least an advance on his monthly check.

1664
01:38:30,867 --> 01:38:34,234
He shouldn't go to you, Miss Ralston.
Well, I'm gonna give him a lesson.

1665
01:38:48,451 --> 01:38:51,352
<i>And, Miss Ralston, if my father
ever talks to you again...</i>

1666
01:38:51,454 --> 01:38:55,823
<i>tell him he ought to be ashamed and that
you are in no position to deliver any messages.</i>

1667
01:38:55,925 --> 01:38:57,893
Yes, Mr. Van Cleve.

1668
01:39:00,730 --> 01:39:02,630
- Why, Mr. Van Cleve �
- Shh!

1669
01:39:02,732 --> 01:39:04,632
- Is he in a bad mood?
- Terrible.

1670
01:39:04,734 --> 01:39:07,635
Now, look here, Miss Ralston,
would you do me a very great favor?

1671
01:39:07,737 --> 01:39:09,637
<i>- Father.!
- Ohh.</i>

1672
01:39:09,739 --> 01:39:12,230
- Good morning, Jack.
- Good morning.

1673
01:39:12,342 --> 01:39:14,310
I'd like to talk to you.

1674
01:39:17,080 --> 01:39:19,048
<i>Father.</i>

1675
01:39:27,090 --> 01:39:28,991
[Henry Laughing]

1676
01:39:29,093 --> 01:39:32,995
I heard a very funny story. You'll love it.
It'll start your day off with a laugh.

1677
01:39:33,097 --> 01:39:35,065
[Chuckles]

1678
01:39:38,969 --> 01:39:42,370
You ought to be ashamed, coming home
at all hours, making a wreck of yourself.

1679
01:39:42,473 --> 01:39:44,703
How much longer do you think
you can keep this up?

1680
01:39:44,808 --> 01:39:46,867
- Please, Jack, don't scold me.
- Someday you're gonna collapse.

1681
01:39:46,977 --> 01:39:49,241
- Do I look that bad?
- You look like a ghost.

1682
01:39:49,346 --> 01:39:52,679
I know you're right, Jack.
I know I should change my way of living.

1683
01:39:52,783 --> 01:39:54,978
But, my boy,
put yourself in my position.

1684
01:39:55,085 --> 01:39:58,111
I'm lonesome.
You're always away somewhere on business.

1685
01:39:58,222 --> 01:40:01,680
Being alone in this big house night after night,
you don't know what it's like.

1686
01:40:01,792 --> 01:40:03,885
Neither do you
because you're never at home.

1687
01:40:03,994 --> 01:40:07,395
But I can imagine what it's like,
and, Jack, it's horrible.

1688
01:40:07,498 --> 01:40:09,728
Now, my boy, I want to talk to you.

1689
01:40:09,833 --> 01:40:13,234
I'm not fooling myself.
I'm not getting any younger.

1690
01:40:13,337 --> 01:40:16,238
I think the time has come for me
to change my way of living.

1691
01:40:16,340 --> 01:40:21,334
You know, Jack, when a man
gets to be � gets to be 60...

1692
01:40:21,445 --> 01:40:24,346
the blood doesn't flow
as fast anymore.

1693
01:40:24,448 --> 01:40:29,215
Instead of a wild mountain stream,
it becomes a quiet little brook.

1694
01:40:29,320 --> 01:40:33,586
The other day, when I was sitting here all alone,
you know what I felt like doing?

1695
01:40:33,692 --> 01:40:36,160
- What?
- I felt like I wanted to sit...

1696
01:40:36,261 --> 01:40:38,388
in a nice, comfortable chair...

1697
01:40:38,496 --> 01:40:40,487
and read and read and read.

1698
01:40:40,598 --> 01:40:44,932
Well, why didn't you? The library is full of books,
and I'm sure you haven't read one of them.

1699
01:40:45,036 --> 01:40:48,403
Jack, the eyes can't take it anymore.

1700
01:40:49,507 --> 01:40:52,101
Why don't you go to an oculist?

1701
01:40:52,210 --> 01:40:54,804
Uh, yes...

1702
01:40:54,913 --> 01:40:56,813
that might do.

1703
01:40:56,915 --> 01:40:59,679
Yes, that might do.

1704
01:40:59,784 --> 01:41:01,752
But, uh...

1705
01:41:01,853 --> 01:41:03,753
on the other hand...

1706
01:41:03,855 --> 01:41:07,791
what do you think of the idea
of having, well, some kind of reader?

1707
01:41:07,892 --> 01:41:10,918
You know, someone with
a pleasant voice, nice diction.

1708
01:41:11,029 --> 01:41:15,227
I know just what you want. You mean one of
those nice, quiet fellows from Yale or Harvard.

1709
01:41:15,333 --> 01:41:17,563
Oh, they're easy to get.

1710
01:41:17,669 --> 01:41:20,570
- Now, who is she?
- Jack, you have the most suspicious mind.

1711
01:41:20,672 --> 01:41:22,765
Come on.
How old is she?

1712
01:41:22,874 --> 01:41:26,037
Well, uh, she's an unusually adult
young woman.

1713
01:41:26,144 --> 01:41:28,544
<i>I met her at old Wilson Weatherby's.
She was his reader.</i>

1714
01:41:28,646 --> 01:41:31,809
Hmm. The whole thing
sounds a little fishy to me.

1715
01:41:31,916 --> 01:41:36,376
Now, Jack, why do you want to deprive
your old father of a little cultural pleasure?

1716
01:41:36,488 --> 01:41:39,389
I can think of nothing
more dignified and homelike...

1717
01:41:39,491 --> 01:41:43,223
than sitting in front of a fireplace
and having someone read a fine book to me.

1718
01:41:43,329 --> 01:41:45,229
Something worthwhile.

1719
01:41:45,331 --> 01:41:46,958
Something �

1720
01:42:33,379 --> 01:42:37,509
Father, her last thought
was that you should be happy.

1721
01:42:37,616 --> 01:42:40,176
I promised her I'd see to it.

1722
01:42:40,286 --> 01:42:44,916
So, if you want this young lady to read to you,
go ahead with my blessing.

1723
01:42:46,393 --> 01:42:48,520
No, I couldn't do it.

1724
01:42:48,628 --> 01:42:50,528
When a man gets to be 60,
his life �

1725
01:42:50,630 --> 01:42:52,530
Isn't over, Father.

1726
01:42:52,632 --> 01:42:54,532
Doesn't have to be over.

1727
01:42:54,634 --> 01:42:58,365
If a man is lonely
and he feels that he needs, well �

1728
01:42:58,472 --> 01:43:00,372
You mean, the feminine touch?

1729
01:43:00,474 --> 01:43:02,533
That's natural.

1730
01:43:02,642 --> 01:43:06,043
But I think he should find someone
closer to his own age.

1731
01:43:06,146 --> 01:43:08,046
Maybe.

1732
01:43:08,148 --> 01:43:10,708
Not a girl of, uh �

1733
01:43:10,817 --> 01:43:12,717
Twenty-four.

1734
01:43:12,819 --> 01:43:16,016
Well, that is a little
out of proportion.

1735
01:43:16,122 --> 01:43:18,022
I'm afraid so.

1736
01:43:18,124 --> 01:43:20,524
But if, on the other hand,
he should meet a cultured woman of�

1737
01:43:20,627 --> 01:43:22,527
Right.
Someone with real dignity?

1738
01:43:22,629 --> 01:43:24,529
A woman of about 50 or 51.

1739
01:43:24,631 --> 01:43:27,031
Or 52 or 53, or even 55.

1740
01:43:27,133 --> 01:43:29,260
That's more like it.

1741
01:43:29,369 --> 01:43:32,202
Jack, my future
looks pretty depressing.

1742
01:43:33,740 --> 01:43:36,709
Mr. Van Cleve,
you're wanted on the telephone, sir.

1743
01:43:40,013 --> 01:43:41,913
Hello.

1744
01:43:42,015 --> 01:43:44,245
What?

1745
01:43:44,351 --> 01:43:46,478
Oh, uh, just a moment.

1746
01:43:51,191 --> 01:43:53,490
It's for you, "poochie."

1747
01:44:01,068 --> 01:44:04,970
<i>[Henry Narrating] As a man grows older,
his medicine cabinet grows bigger.</i>

1748
01:44:05,072 --> 01:44:07,040
<i>This is me at 70.</i>

1749
01:44:15,283 --> 01:44:18,184
Now, really, there's nothing to worry about.
But, Mrs. Van Cleve, please �

1750
01:44:18,286 --> 01:44:21,187
I know, but it was
his 70th birthday yesterday...

1751
01:44:21,289 --> 01:44:24,190
and I didn't have the heart to keep him
from celebrating a little.

1752
01:44:24,292 --> 01:44:27,193
I hate to go to that banquet
and leave the old man alone.

1753
01:44:27,295 --> 01:44:30,196
- I'd just as soon stay home.
- No, it's perfectly all right for you to go.

1754
01:44:30,298 --> 01:44:33,267
In fact, the fewer people around him,
the better off he'll be.

1755
01:44:50,017 --> 01:44:53,748
Now, Mr. Van Cleve, I'm sorry to wake you up,
but it has to be done.

1756
01:44:53,854 --> 01:44:56,914
[Muttering]
Oh, if I could just �

1757
01:44:57,024 --> 01:44:59,425
[Continues Muttering]

1758
01:45:03,632 --> 01:45:05,532
[Groans]

1759
01:45:05,634 --> 01:45:09,331
- Now, open your mouth, please.
- Oh, go away. Go away and leave me alone.

1760
01:45:09,438 --> 01:45:11,906
[Groaning]

1761
01:45:13,575 --> 01:45:17,477
What was that dream all about?
Oh, I was having such a good time.

1762
01:45:17,579 --> 01:45:20,844
- Just open your mouth.
- What was that all about?

1763
01:45:21,950 --> 01:45:24,510
Oh, yes.

1764
01:45:24,620 --> 01:45:28,386
The door opened
and a man stepped out of a rowboat.

1765
01:45:29,825 --> 01:45:31,952
He said, "Henry...

1766
01:45:32,060 --> 01:45:35,223
I've come to take you on a trip
from which you'll never come back."

1767
01:45:35,330 --> 01:45:37,230
Now, please, don't get excited.

1768
01:45:37,332 --> 01:45:39,630
And I said, "My good fellow...

1769
01:45:39,735 --> 01:45:43,296
"if I ever take a trip like that,
it'll be in a deluxe cabin...

1770
01:45:43,405 --> 01:45:46,738
and not in a dinky little rowboat
that doesn't even have a bar."

1771
01:45:46,842 --> 01:45:48,742
So I threw him out,
rowboat and all.

1772
01:45:48,844 --> 01:45:50,744
Good. Good.

1773
01:45:50,846 --> 01:45:52,973
And what do you think he did?

1774
01:45:53,081 --> 01:45:57,279
He came back with a big luxury liner...

1775
01:45:58,320 --> 01:46:02,120
floating on an ocean
of whiskey and soda.

1776
01:46:03,492 --> 01:46:05,484
And instead of funnels...

1777
01:46:05,595 --> 01:46:09,258
there were big, black cigars.

1778
01:46:09,365 --> 01:46:12,266
And on top of the bar,
sitting in a lifeboat...

1779
01:46:12,368 --> 01:46:15,963
was the most beautiful blonde...

1780
01:46:16,072 --> 01:46:18,905
wearing a Merry Widow costume.

1781
01:46:19,008 --> 01:46:23,240
She dived into the whiskey
and swam right over to my bedside.

1782
01:46:23,346 --> 01:46:25,246
"Henry," she said...

1783
01:46:25,348 --> 01:46:27,748
"how about a little dance?"

1784
01:46:27,850 --> 01:46:31,411
And the man from the boat
took an accordion out of his pocket...

1785
01:46:31,521 --> 01:46:33,421
and he played...

1786
01:46:33,523 --> 01:46:35,821
"The Merry Widow Waltz."

1787
01:46:37,093 --> 01:46:39,721
The girl held her arms out to me...

1788
01:46:39,829 --> 01:46:41,854
and she started to dance.

1789
01:46:43,199 --> 01:46:45,099
Well...

1790
01:46:45,201 --> 01:46:48,102
with him playing and her dancing...

1791
01:46:48,204 --> 01:46:51,605
and me up to my neck in whiskey anyhow...

1792
01:46:51,708 --> 01:46:56,168
well, I put my arms
around that beautiful girl...

1793
01:46:57,213 --> 01:47:00,774
and was just about to dance with her...

1794
01:47:00,883 --> 01:47:03,408
when, of all people, you cut in.

1795
01:47:03,519 --> 01:47:05,680
You. Yes, you.

1796
01:47:05,788 --> 01:47:09,588
- Just open your mouth.
- Go away, and take that thermometer with you.

1797
01:47:09,692 --> 01:47:12,253
[Moans]

1798
01:47:12,362 --> 01:47:14,330
<i>[Knocking]</i>

1799
01:47:25,142 --> 01:47:28,441
- The night nurse has just arrived.
- All right.

1800
01:47:49,967 --> 01:47:51,867
<i>- [Nurse] Good evening.
- [Night Nurse] Hello.</i>

1801
01:47:51,969 --> 01:47:53,937
<i>- First door to the right.
- Thank you.</i>

1802
01:48:42,654 --> 01:48:45,555
[Henry Sighs]

1803
01:48:45,657 --> 01:48:47,716
I'd fallen asleep...

1804
01:48:47,826 --> 01:48:51,421
and suddenly I was awakened by
a caressing touch on my forehead.

1805
01:48:51,529 --> 01:48:56,933
I opened my eyes and there she was,
sitting right on the edge of the bed.

1806
01:48:57,035 --> 01:49:00,493
Nellie Brown, Registered Nurse.

1807
01:49:00,605 --> 01:49:02,732
Your Excellency...

1808
01:49:02,841 --> 01:49:06,470
one look at her and it didn't matter
whether she was registered or not.

1809
01:49:07,512 --> 01:49:11,141
Then she took out a thermometer...

1810
01:49:11,249 --> 01:49:13,809
and she said, "Open your mouth."

1811
01:49:15,019 --> 01:49:17,180
Who wouldn't for Nellie?

1812
01:49:17,288 --> 01:49:20,553
And then she put the thermometer in...

1813
01:49:20,658 --> 01:49:24,789
and my temperature went up to 110.

1814
01:49:25,931 --> 01:49:29,128
Who could ask for
a more beautiful death?

1815
01:49:32,304 --> 01:49:34,204
[Sighs]

1816
01:49:34,306 --> 01:49:37,867
Your Excellency,
that's the story of my life...

1817
01:49:37,977 --> 01:49:42,107
and I'd be grateful if you'd push the button
and have it over with.

1818
01:49:42,214 --> 01:49:44,444
No.

1819
01:49:44,550 --> 01:49:47,178
Definitely no.

1820
01:49:47,286 --> 01:49:50,653
I hope you will not consider me
inhospitable if I say...

1821
01:49:50,756 --> 01:49:54,715
sorry, Mr. Van Cleve, but we don't cater
to your class of people here.

1822
01:49:55,761 --> 01:49:57,786
Please make your reservation
somewhere else.

1823
01:49:57,897 --> 01:49:59,797
Somewhere else?

1824
01:49:59,899 --> 01:50:03,960
But, Your Excellency, if I walk
into the lobby of the other place �

1825
01:50:04,069 --> 01:50:06,970
You mean, above?

1826
01:50:07,072 --> 01:50:09,563
Yes.
I know what will happen.

1827
01:50:09,675 --> 01:50:12,109
They might not even let me register.

1828
01:50:12,211 --> 01:50:14,441
The doorman might not even let me in.

1829
01:50:14,546 --> 01:50:18,277
Well, you never can tell.
It's worth trying.

1830
01:50:19,351 --> 01:50:22,980
Sometimes they have
a small room vacant in the annex.

1831
01:50:23,088 --> 01:50:26,319
Not exactly on the sunny side...

1832
01:50:26,425 --> 01:50:29,088
and not so very comfortable.

1833
01:50:29,195 --> 01:50:31,356
The bed may be hard...

1834
01:50:31,464 --> 01:50:35,366
and you might have to wait a few hundred years
until they move you into the main building.

1835
01:50:35,468 --> 01:50:37,868
Well, it doesn't hurt to try.

1836
01:50:37,971 --> 01:50:41,839
After all, they may inquire about you
among the residents in the main building.

1837
01:50:41,942 --> 01:50:45,343
I think you'll find a lot of people who will
give you a good reference, and that always helps.

1838
01:50:45,445 --> 01:50:47,345
For instance, there were...

1839
01:50:47,447 --> 01:50:49,847
several young ladies.

1840
01:50:49,950 --> 01:50:53,647
- What about them?
- Well, some of them might be there.

1841
01:50:53,753 --> 01:50:56,881
And so far as I can see,
you've made them all very happy.

1842
01:50:56,990 --> 01:50:58,890
Oh.

1843
01:50:58,992 --> 01:51:01,426
I'm sure they'd like
to see you happy too.

1844
01:51:01,528 --> 01:51:04,861
And your grandfather.

1845
01:51:04,965 --> 01:51:07,866
Oh, yes. Grandfather.

1846
01:51:07,968 --> 01:51:11,028
Don't you think
he'll be waiting for you?

1847
01:51:11,137 --> 01:51:13,367
- He might.
- He will.

1848
01:51:13,473 --> 01:51:16,636
- And not with a baseball bat.
- Hmm.

1849
01:51:16,743 --> 01:51:20,804
And if they all should fail,
there's still someone else.

1850
01:51:23,016 --> 01:51:25,314
Yes.

1851
01:51:25,418 --> 01:51:27,318
She's up there.

1852
01:51:27,420 --> 01:51:30,014
And she will plead for you.

1853
01:51:30,123 --> 01:51:32,091
Do you think so?

1854
01:51:33,193 --> 01:51:35,162
You know she will.

1855
01:51:36,530 --> 01:51:38,623
Yes, Mr. Van Cleve...

1856
01:51:38,733 --> 01:51:42,567
I would say you have a chance �
a very good chance.

1857
01:51:42,670 --> 01:51:44,638
Anyway, it's worth trying.

1858
01:51:49,643 --> 01:51:52,874
- Good-bye.
- Good-bye, Your Excellency.

1859
01:51:52,980 --> 01:51:54,948
- And thank you.
- Good luck.

1860
01:51:56,117 --> 01:51:58,085
I'll need it.

1861
01:52:01,789 --> 01:52:03,757
Down?

1862
01:52:05,059 --> 01:52:06,959
No.

1863
01:52:07,061 --> 01:52:08,688
Up.